Some Red Skelton Laughs for you really old timers

[Dunner]

Some of these made this stone-face chuckle.

For those of you old enough to remember Richard “Red” Skelton, I think you will enjoy these. For those of you not old enough, you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great 'one liners' from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE


1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds..
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .....

3. I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four-letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless", with a big smile on his face.

[crtrrv]

I remember Red Skelton putting on a show for the United Nations, one hour and not one word. The audience couldn't stop laughing.
Now that was real talent!

[Dunner]

Sad to say I remember him, Jack, Desi & Lucy, Dean & Jerry, etc.

[Wayne M]

Don't forget Uncle Milton (Milton Berle)

Tim Conway

And there was a female side kick - what was her name.

Red Skelton was a great entertainer. If you have a mind to, Google search

"Red Skelton pledge of allegiance" without the quotes.

[scenic route]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wayne M Don't forget Uncle Milton (Milton Berle) And there was a female side kick - what was her name.

Talking about Milton Berle's sidekick? Ruth Gilbert

Or Red Skelton's...I really do not remember if he had a female sidekick.
My favorite Red Skelton joke: "I met a man that said he was 98 years old. He told me that he was going to wed a woman of 20 years of age. I ask if he realized that could result in certain death. He replied "If she dies, she dies"!" Bob

[sdennislee]

THe Red Skelton show was my favorite growing up.

[Ragingbull]

Thanks I needed a good laugh

[bucks2]

For my money the best female sidekick, or star, whichever way you want to look at it was Gracie Allen.

Ken

[slickest1]

Red as my favorite as well. Freddy the freeloader, Gertrude and Hecliff, can't remember the name of the little boy. He did these and others that were just hilarious. My DW found a couple of dvd's with some of his stuff on it. Still enjoy it!!

[faye]

I chuckled all the way thru. What a great entertainer he was and i wish they would show some re-runs. Thanks

[Dunner]

I liked Red better than the other old time entertainers.

And, you're all welcome.