Community Forums

MickBrennan · 05-05-2012, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAZ

I blame the problem on society

Get a grip!

We all have a personal responsibility for how our kids turn out, the way our homes look and earning a living.

SteveCal · 05-05-2012, 06:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flasher

Ez solution. Get a girlfriend and go Rving

+3 and that picture is worth a thousand quiet moments.

TAZ · 05-05-2012, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MickBrennan

Get a grip!

We all have a personal responsibility for how our kids turn out, the way our homes look and earning a living.

I got a grip. I don't have my head in the sand or arm extended for a hand out. I do take personal responcibility but you need a partner that does also. I think many parrents these days don't and it makes it harder for those that do.

Your welcome to your oppinion but this one is mine.

SteveCal · 05-05-2012, 06:53 AM

I rekon Dr. Spock's experiment failed. Dresses on GI Joe just ain't working out.

tncruiser · 05-05-2012, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flasher

Ez solution. Get a girlfriend and go Rving

absolutely they all need a life and none of them appreciate the one you are providing.
it aint cheating on your wife ,she has ceased being one
brianj

Lostdog · 05-05-2012, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wb7auk

As long as you bend to their demands and support them and their mother is on their
side you loose.

Then the mother would be gone, along with the kids. I did it and it was not that bad!

DennisZ · 05-05-2012, 08:35 AM

Sounds like its time for 2 or 3 of them to leave, or maybe just 1, that might be the easy way out?

Aguyfromcalg · 05-05-2012, 08:36 AM

The first person to fix in this problem is you yourself. Where did you go wrong as a husband and father? Second get your wife to do the same thing. Work on the relationship you and your wife have to make it united, stronger and better.
Once you and your wife are united it will be harder for your sons to divide and conquer, which is what they are doing now. As long as your sons can manipulate you and your wife, they have the power and control in your family. You won't win until your sons give you back that power and control.
Best of luck
Pat

jimmyjnr · 05-05-2012, 08:42 AM

Think you should tell wife how you feel , if she doesn't see your side of the argument I think it's time to workout if you would be happier by yourself .

scgator · 05-08-2012, 01:00 PM

"I got a grip. I don't have my head in the sand or arm extended for a hand out. I do take personal responcibility but you need a partner that does also. I think many parrents these days don't and it makes it harder for those that do."

I posted in this topic earlier in the week; let me give you the latest........yesterday, my lifelong best friend (both of us are in our 60's) shot his stepson. He shot the man in the leg to "get him off of him" during an escalated argument. My friend is on SSDI because of having polio all of his life. I do not ever condone violence, but sometime it happens, and is inevitable. Let me explain:

My friend has been married to this woman for over 20 years, and she really did not have anything when they met; (my wife agrees with this statement). Even though she has worked their entire marriage, the only thing he has ever required of "her" money was that she buy the groceries for the house. She tells her friends. "We would not even have food to eat, if I did not buy it". He pays all of the bills, all on time; she can make any bill she desires and he told her that he would pay it. He pays all of "her" credit cards in full every month. Every three years buys her a new car, and ten years ago moved her into a new house, which is now paid for ten years later.

What did the wife do for him?......three years ago "baby boy" was getting paroled for killing a man in a bar fight ( baby boy killed the man who robbed him, right after baby had just an hour earlier robbed a title pawn business. Baby boy went to the bar flashing cash around.), and called mommy needing a place to stay; she brought baby boy home (baby boy is in his early 40's) against her husband's wishes. She gave him her new car ( so he could get around and reconnect with society as she calls it). Since moving in, he has no job, still on drugs, and mommy foots the bill for the gas for the car with my friend paying the credit card bills for that.

Stepfather and stepson got in a bad argument yesterday and a fight ensued; my friend shot the man in the leg to get him off of him; he could have killed him if he had wanted to................and now my friend is on the losing end of the whole deal...........but at least mommy still will have her baby boy at home

so, JimM68.........I can understand your dilema, but my friend it will not get better by doing nothing. And it will not be any better by waiting on the spouse to "see the light" one day. It is your responsibility to take action and do it now. There is an old saying......."You control your environment, or your environment will control you"

Good Luck my friend.

WheelingIt · 05-08-2012, 01:11 PM

It seems the OP is venting, but I agree w/ most of the advice here.

The OP needs to think about what HE wants in life long-term. No matter which decision you make it is going to be tough. If it's staying it's means implementing some tough love, getting the wife to agree to changes and probably some family counseling. If it's going it means looking at divorce proceedings. None of these choices are easy, but doing nothing means you agree to the status quo = living with what you've got. The choice is really difficult, but the choice IS yours.

Gary G. · 05-08-2012, 02:02 PM

You are reaping what you have sown all these years! As a school principal and college president for over 20 years, the scenerio that you describe plagues many, many parents. When you enable children (allowing them to get their way continually which is easier, for the moment, than being strong and doing what is right and best for them for now and for the future) you are allowing your children full control and access to your peace of mind, your wallet, your future, your health and any earthly happiness you might want in life.

I'd always say " give me 5 minutes with Johnny's Dad (or Mom, for that matter) and as a school principal I could explain 95% of Johnnies behavior in and out of school! (and I'd be pretty well right on target!)

Although it is extremely difficult to take the good advice of most of posts before me, if you want a life and any promise of blessings from your offspring, do it. Do it now. Do it swiftly. I hope it's not too late. My thoughts and prayers are with you man.

Lincolnboy2 · 05-08-2012, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scgator

"I got a grip. I don't have my head in the sand or arm extended for a hand out. I do take personal responcibility but you need a partner that does also. I think many parrents these days don't and it makes it harder for those that do."

I posted in this topic earlier in the week; let me give you the latest........yesterday, my lifelong best friend (both of us are in our 60's) shot his stepson. He shot the man in the leg to "get him off of him" during an escalated argument. My friend is on SSDI because of having polio all of his life. I do not ever condone violence, but sometime it happens, and is inevitable. Let me explain:

My friend has been married to this woman for over 20 years, and she really did not have anything when they met; (my wife agrees with this statement). Even though she has worked their entire marriage, the only thing he has ever required of "her" money was that she buy the groceries for the house. She tells her friends. "We would not even have food to eat, if I did not buy it". He pays all of the bills, all on time; she can make any bill she desires and he told her that he would pay it. He pays all of "her" credit cards in full every month. Every three years buys her a new car, and ten years ago moved her into a new house, which is now paid for ten years later.

What did the wife do for him?......three years ago "baby boy" was getting paroled for killing a man in a bar fight ( baby boy killed the man who robbed him, right after baby had just an hour earlier robbed a title pawn business. Baby boy went to the bar flashing cash around.), and called mommy needing a place to stay; she brought baby boy home (baby boy is in his early 40's) against her husband's wishes. She gave him her new car ( so he could get around and reconnect with society as she calls it). Since moving in, he has no job, still on drugs, and mommy foots the bill for the gas for the car with my friend paying the credit card bills for that.

Stepfather and stepson got in a bad argument yesterday and a fight ensued; my friend shot the man in the leg to get him off of him; he could have killed him if he had wanted to................and now my friend is on the losing end of the whole deal...........but at least mommy still will have her baby boy at home

so, JimM68.........I can understand your dilema, but my friend it will not get better by doing nothing. And it will not be any better by waiting on the spouse to "see the light" one day. It is your responsibility to take action and do it now. There is an old saying......."You control your environment, or your environment will control you"

Good Luck my friend.

WOW.....incredibly sad circumstances....

I have to agree with you though.......it is so true....

Sightseer33 · 05-09-2012, 01:00 PM

Have been so very lucky. My daughter has turned into one of the greatest persons I know. She is married a school teacher and has 4 wonderful kids. But when our daughter was born she had several medical issues. Reason she is an only child. Constant trips to dr hospital er until she was about 4. My mother never said a word to any of us (6) about how to raise our kids. She felt that was our choice. But one day she was on the phone and Danella was having a fit (11 mos old). I was trying to calm her. In other words give her her way. My mother said " I will only say something this one time". Do not spoil that child. If for nothing else her own well being. She will grow up and have problems with other kids liking her and coping with life. Make her grow responsible for her own actions and respectful of both others and herself. It is only fair to her I took her advice and stopped babying my baby. She as since thank both of us for being strick on her For while she was growing up she often complained how strick we were on her It sounds that is what your sons need to learn. Your wife maybe should also learn. That letting have their own way is not helping them but hurting them in the long run My two cents worth and it is not even worth that !!!