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Old 05-04-2012, 01:43 PM   #1
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spoiled brats....

Yesterday, mt dw, my oldest son, and i had a conversation....

Oldest son had to be at a job interview (east of my work) at 9:30...
DW had to see a client at 9...
She asked me if i'd take oldest son....
I said no problem, bu he needed to go to work with me at 7:30.

He said "I ain't gettin up that early!

And she rearranged her schedule so she coukd take this brat where he wanted to be, when he wanted to be there...

Just fyi.....

I am completely out of line.

There is no reason i shouldn't take time off work so i can take him when he wants to be there, it's more important what is convenient for him than what is convenient for me....

I just don't get it....
I support this family to the tune of 300k a year....
You'd think they would all be bending over kissing MY [moderator edit] ....

Just fyi....

#1 son is 23. He is a reformed junkie, home from doing 2 years hard time. He's been his mommies boy from the day he was born...

#2 is 20. He is a video game junkie, on the 3 year plan at the local community college. He has never had a job. Never.

#3 is 14. Just noew learning to be a smartass. Learned well from DW and #2 son that dad is just a joke...

I seem to have forgotten what i was posting about, but the above is why i drink.
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Old 05-04-2012, 01:53 PM   #2
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Toss #1 and #2 out, tell them "the world is waiting, go sink or swim", but not to come back. Make #3 witness the purging and understand the reasoning, maybe there's time to realign his attitude.

I have no kids, my advice is worth what it cost ya to read it.
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Old 05-04-2012, 01:58 PM   #3
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Jim, I feel for you.

I think parents in general are so taken for granted these days, the children mostly walk all over them.

I can't understand it because during my rearing, my parents were still involved enough to enroll discipline and responsibility, which I believe is crucial to any child's rearing.

My siblings (most) of my sibling's children talk to them like they were equals, almost no respect or gratitude. Where in the world did these attitudes come from? Not from my childhood or teen age rearing, that I know.....

I do know that as we were growing up, my parents had much higher incomes when my younger brothers and sisters started through their teens, they were brought up with a lot more toys, a lot less responsibility, and a lot more time for self indulgences. I do contribute that to a certain degree within my own family as one of the reasons. I had a whole lot more chores, and a whole lot less time to sit around on the computer, cell phone, tv games, etc to do whatever I pleased.......Now I'm not trying to sound like my Grandfather "uphill both ways in a blinding snowstorm with no shoes going to school" in that I had it so much worse, it was just different. These differences, I believe, dictate responsibility, respect, etc.......which may or may not relate to others.

This is just my theory, and my take from my family experiences.

Hope you can find something in there that helps?

In any event, try to look at the positives, even when there don't appear to be any, they are there, just gotta dig deeper for them....
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:01 PM   #4
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As long as you bend to their demands and support them and their mother is on their
side you loose.
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:01 PM   #5
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In the past, children needed their elders to gain knowledge. Today they need google. Right or wrong, the information age shapes children far more than parents do.
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:07 PM   #6
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We had to cut the daughter off completely so she would quit leaching, get off her a$$ and get out of her depression. 10 years later she's doing great!
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:08 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by TheTourVan View Post
In the past, children needed their elders to gain knowledge. Today they need google. Right or wrong, the information age shapes children far more than parents do.
Very true...
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:11 PM   #8
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Back in 1976 when my older brother was 25 he went to a volcanologist convention in Hawaii. Still living at home after graduating collage (i moved out at 18). After my parents picked him up at the airport-on the drive home-my mom turned to him and handed him the keys to his "new home" (apartment) and said "Here are the keys to your new place, its paid for the next three months. After that you are on your own." Worked well for him-he never did move out of the apartment. He died in it a few years ago (Over weight).
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:17 PM   #9
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If you want the truth............it appears from reading your post that DW runs the family, not you; this is completely outside the norm. DW should indeed be able to run and control the day to day business of the household. But, it is your duty as both the father and the income provider to insure practical application of all areas.

Mistake #1...oldest son is not a baby boy anymore; put him in the street today. He has made his decisions and will ALWAYS play his cards with momma to get what he wants. As long as he is in the house, you will never win. NEVER.

Mistake #2...middle son is influenced by oldest son; crack the whip now, or lose him also forever. If you are paying for his college, that is well a good, but is not required! And free room and board and extras certainly are not. Help him get a job, show him how to manage his money and obligations....then tell him sink or swim.

Mistake #3...youngest son is being influenced by #1 and #2; you have tripled you disadvantage.............stop his decline NOW.

If DW doesn't want to go along with you (for the sake of the marriage and the family), then refer her to your attorney for papers and a settlement agreement. It is not what you want, but may be necessary....

We raised all three of our kids to get a job at 16, helped them buy their first car, and helped pay for their college as long as they too worked at least a part time job to help out. WE also told them.....get in trouble with the wrong crowd or the law and you are on your own!!!!!
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:18 PM   #10
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She is ruining this person. His future is doomed. My son has supported himself since he was 19. Started out in high school at fast food places. Now he has a six figure income because he learned how to work and how the world works. Now he is 46. Had the good income for at least 9 years. It is hurting this young man to be coddled. What is wrong with her brain? Daughter is rn and making almost the same.
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:34 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 87Rockwood View Post
Back in 1976 when my older brother was 25 he went to a volcanologist convention in Hawaii. Still living at home after graduating collage (i moved out at 18). After my parents picked him up at the airport-on the drive home-my mom turned to him and handed him the keys to his "new home" (apartment) and said "Here are the keys to your new place, its paid for the next three months. After that you are on your own." Worked well for him-he never did move out of the apartment. He died in it a few years ago (Over weight).


Horrible.....

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Old 05-04-2012, 02:41 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chandler Bing View Post
She is ruining this person. His future is doomed. My son has supported himself since he was 19. Started out in high school at fast food places. Now he has a six figure income because he learned how to work and how the world works. Now he is 46. Had the good income for at least 9 years. It is hurting this young man to be coddled. What is wrong with her brain? Daughter is rn and making almost the same.
My Mother, God Rest Her Soul, was an enabler too.

By enabler, I mean that the child is enabled by the parent to do whatever he or she wants and will always have the parent as a safety net.

Enablers can be either parent, but in my case, was my Mother. She just loved her children so much (in her mind) she could not allow any harm to come to them....even though what she was enabling was causing more harm than letting them fall out on their own and make it on their own......

What eventually happens is total ruination of the child (or as time goes by, the adult child) or the parent passes and the child is dropped to incredible depths when the enabling parent is no longer there to bail he or she out.



Again, all from my own experiences in my own family.
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:44 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scgator View Post
If you want the truth............it appears from reading your post that DW runs the family, not you; this is completely outside the norm. DW should indeed be able to run and control the day to day business of the household. But, it is your duty as both the father and the income provider to insure practical application of all areas.

Mistake #1...oldest son is not a baby boy anymore; put him in the street today. He has made his decisions and will ALWAYS play his cards with momma to get what he wants. As long as he is in the house, you will never win. NEVER.

Mistake #2...middle son is influenced by oldest son; crack the whip now, or lose him also forever. If you are paying for his college, that is well a good, but is not required! And free room and board and extras certainly are not. Help him get a job, show him how to manage his money and obligations....then tell him sink or swim.

Mistake #3...youngest son is being influenced by #1 and #2; you have tripled you disadvantage.............stop his decline NOW.

If DW doesn't want to go along with you (for the sake of the marriage and the family), then refer her to your attorney for papers and a settlement agreement. It is not what you want, but may be necessary....

We raised all three of our kids to get a job at 16, helped them buy their first car, and helped pay for their college as long as they too worked at least a part time job to help out. WE also told them.....get in trouble with the wrong crowd or the law and you are on your own!!!!!

To some this may sound harsh but scgator, you did a good job....and your opinions are strongly agreed with in this matter.....
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:01 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JimM68 View Post
Yesterday, mt dw, my oldest son, and i had a conversation....
Brevity snipped.

Your children are spoiled rotten because you allowed it as they grew up. Where were you when they were small? Maybe it's time you stood your ground, both with the selfish inconsiderate kids and your wife.
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