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Old 01-30-2013, 05:10 PM   #1
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Them dang laws!

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and youíll have to pee.

Law of Gravity:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Random Numbers :
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi :
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law :
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you donít want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine wonít work, it will.

Law of Bio-mechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphyís Law of Lockers :
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you donít know what you are talking about.

Brownís Law of Physica Appearancel:
If the shoe fits, itís ugly.

Oliverís Law of Public Speaking:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilsonís Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctorsí Law:
If you donít feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there youíll feel better. Donít make an appointment and youíll stay sick.

And my favorite:
Law of Probability :
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
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Old 01-30-2013, 05:25 PM   #2
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How do you know me so well....:face palm
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Old 01-30-2013, 05:35 PM   #3
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Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

And a mechanical repair will not be successful unless blood has been let.
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:07 PM   #4
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Though not a law (Well actually, come to think of it it is a law SOD's)

Did you know that many devices have built into them a critical need sensor.. The function of this device is to enforce SOD's Law.

The more critical the need for the device to function normally.. The higher the odds of a breakdown.
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:17 PM   #5
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There is also a law of mechanical design - Any you can reach you can't see and anything you can see you can't reach

MikeD
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Old 01-30-2013, 09:12 PM   #6
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The need for that part or tool you saw on you bench and where too lazy to grab is directly porportional to the distance to said bench.
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Old 01-30-2013, 09:36 PM   #7
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Work benches, on average, are stacked 18 inches high in stuff. But you always know where yer stuff is.
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