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jablair · 01-10-2015, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by denlock

Yep. I still hold the door for people, let ladies go first, say please and thank you, yes/no mam/sir.

Yes sir and with two daughters I was a busy door opener. At the same time taught them to be sure any future boy friend or man treated them with equal respect and courtesy. Each is approaching their 30th marriage anniversary!

jablair · 01-10-2015, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lrose44

I was spanked as a child....so I thought that I should make my children fear me and my wrath as a parent.
Now I regret every time I resorted to physical punishment to my children.

And therein lies all the difference! You were seeking to teach the wrong lesson. It is not about fear or wrath. It is about compliance with stated rules from a legitimate authority. I always practiced the rule "never discipline out of anger" if necessary delay until any anger has passed. Then discipline in accordance with the trespass.

Tetonchief · 01-10-2015, 07:48 PM

I was spanked, whipped, slapped etc. Unfortunately< I resorted to that as a parent early but changed as I never felt good about hitting my child. I do not support it now. Behavior is learned--I don't care if it is fear, or respect, they are both learned. The differences in behaviors is that some are harder to learn (as well as teach) than others. I feared my father and because of it, I didn't like him very much. He went to his grave 10 years ago with the two of us not having a good relationship--something both my sisters tell me he wished he could change. Nothing frosts me as much as being in a store and seeing some parent smack their kid and call them names for misbehaving--it is actually the parent who is out of control. In those instances you stop what you are doing and take the child to the car and let them have their tantrum in the car and you stand outside and let them vent. If need be, you take them home. Same goes for restaurants or movie theaters. You don't have a right to disturb other patrons for your short comings. Teach the child they don't go out to eat or go to the movies unless they learn to behave. I (we) don't want to hear you yelling at your kid and threatening them with everything under the sun because you are to lazy or ill equipped to be the parent. Before anyone goes off on me, I am sure I am not speaking about anyone in this thread.

Grey Ghost I · 01-10-2015, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jablair

And therein lies all the difference! You were seeking to teach the wrong lesson. It is not about fear or wrath. It is about compliance with stated rules from a legitimate authority. I always practiced the rule "never discipline out of anger" if necessary delay until any anger has passed. Then discipline in accordance with the trespass.

Those are words of wisdom I heartily agree with.

Gordon Dewald · 01-10-2015, 09:20 PM

There is nothing worse for children or adults than rules that continually change or are enforced erratically. Children learn about rules from the people who make them. They continually test the limits define the rules by going to the edge. And the limit changes because parents do not take the time or the effort to enforce the rules they have made.

A general example of rules and testing them is the speed limit. How many would travel at or below the speed limit on a nice straight road if they knew there was no enforcement or if you did get caught no penalty? How long before the road was a speedway? How many drive the speed limit because of respect for the law or fear of the law?

Unfortunately there are too many children whose parents did not hold them accountable for the small things, who have grown up continually testing the bounds. Many of them are serving time in jail but many of them are amoung us.

MartySQ · 01-10-2015, 10:16 PM

My opinion is I would rather see a well diapered bottom smacked in good timing rather than the toddler become a speed bump in front of my home.

adamfolger · 01-11-2015, 12:14 AM

I agree with Martha! Do you swat that bottom for running out in the road, or do you let the next not so observant driver teach the lesson? The difference between spanking and child abuse is directly related to the amount of love involved. My Mom loved me a lot....

KSCRUDE · 01-11-2015, 02:20 AM

I got swats at school many times from grade school through high school. Then when I got home I got some more. And would be grounded for a week or two! We need so much more of that today. And had many chores to do everyday, from a very young age. Work came before play. A few swats at school never hurt anybody. If I got it at school, my parents knew I had it coming. No questions asked!

palehorse89 · 01-11-2015, 06:32 AM

Parental discipline works today......just get in your car and go to the Mall.......look at all the dyed fluorescent hair color's and the nice hair doo's, terrible clothing selections that cost a ton of money, then if you need some quick cash...........scrap all the percing's the young have on their body's today.......ya .......the new way is working very well.

These young folks will be running our Country

Oh well, they won't have to worry about getting dressed up for the TV interview

Let alone Halloween........

Gordon Dewald · 01-11-2015, 08:17 AM

Be good to your kids. They will be the ones picking your retirement home!

baraff · 01-11-2015, 04:42 PM

I can count on one hand the number of times I was spanked as a child......and I earned every one.
My Dad was spanked as a child for the slightest infraction. Back then, it was not uncommon as a means of discipline. I always respected him for breaking that chain of abuse and reserving the spankings only for those times I truly deserved it.

KSCRUDE · 01-11-2015, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by baraff

I can count on one hand the number of times I was spanked as a child......and I earned every one.
My Dad was spanked as a child for the slightest infraction. Back then, it was not uncommon as a means of discipline. I always respected him for breaking that chain of abuse and reserving the spankings only for those times I truly deserved it.

I deserved every but whippen I got, plus about a thousand more I got away with. It's not abuse if you have it coming. [moderator edit].

Melmoses · 01-11-2015, 06:15 PM

I am a baby boomer and I was spanked when I deserved it. I would never label those spankings as abuse. My Dad taught me that bad decisions had consequences. I was taught respect for my elders. It didn't take many spankings to see the light. Minor infractions also had consequences such as a forfeited allowance. I was expected to do certain chores each day for that $.50 allowance for the week. As a parent I did the same thing. I knew my parents loved me thru all their actions. My daughters have turned out very well as have my grandkids.

oakcreekeric · 01-11-2015, 09:57 PM

I've always felt fear is the greatest form of respect...

My mom used a wooden spoon... and while I've never used a spoon on my kids, I've swatted them on a few occasions.. Was I wrong, I don't know... but I'm not their friend, I'm their parent... I feel it's my job to make them contributing members of society, not my "bestie"... I think more than a few parents don't understand that concept... I didn't become "friends" with my folks till I was out of the house and on my own... I love them for the "tough" love they gave me and I will continue to give my children as much tough love as they need..

Teaching a child there are consequences of their actions is something that is seriously lacking in today's society and I don't care how it's done, just as long as its done...