Were You Raised This Way???

[slickest1]

There is no one rule fits all when it comes to discipline.
My kids got a swat or two along the way but also were required to rectify their wrongs.
We always had stray kids hanging around our place that came from dysfunctional homes and they loved being at our place and often told our kids how lucky they were to have parents that cared. Kids need leadership and to learn how society should work. There are rules and they need to be followed. If you have no respect for your home and parents you have no respect for society and the laws of the lands. I think it starts at home and if it doesn't the kid is in for some hard knocks.

[rollingslow]

Originally Posted by Nick B

Folks, these comments are very saddening. I was never smacked as a child, and my wife and I have raised four children the same way. They have all turned into caring and respectful adults.

The world has too much violence in it. Some people might think it's OK and desirable to smack children....but all that does it teach them that if you are bigger and stronger, violence is acceptable. It's not. If we wish to have a more peaceful world, it starts at home.....

Respectfully,
Nick B

LOL..some of us needed a good spanking now and then. If i hadnt been spanked i probably would be in prison or dead

[DonaandDon]

All of us at some time fell under the punishment of parents and parenting (also punishment). All to often the corporal punishment was left to one. I fell under the belt weekly, was hit with everything from the back of a hand to a high heel shoe. I do believe (IMO) due to my dad (a god fearing man) not having more than a 8th grade education, was guided by the church. Coming from a strong Pentecostal church, the elders teachings to be "children are to be seen and not heard and punishment must harsh and swift when ever Gods word is broken". Needless to say I married my Sunday school sweetheart (40 years now), served in the Navy for thirty years and my only son was the first to complete collage in our families history. Go figure!

[caheath]

My nieces, 17 and 14, are incredibly smart kids who do very well in school and who are also respectful and engaging. They have been raised with discipline and care. Because of my nieces I do not fear that the "children of today" are lacking. I am more concerned that my generation has screwed some things up pretty severely, and my nieces and their peers have their work cut out for them.

[sinjineer]

Originally Posted by SonnyB

My parents spanked me as child

As a result
I now suffer from a psychological
Condition known as, "Respect for others"

I never spanked my kids. They both have PhD's, are married, have kids, have successful careers and wonderful children and spouses. They never spank their kids either. How weird is that?

[Doggy Daddy]

The city or town environment of where a child grows up is a big factor. Love and respect is important. Bad influences from outside the home can not necessarily be resolved by a time out and restriction of TV privileges. Discipline is necessary and there are many kinds of discipline. Spanking, a strap, confinement/grounding, restriction of toys/electronics, extra duties/chores.
As a child I was a recipient of all and because I respected my parents, I understood why they did it and why I deserved it.

[StevieG]

Originally Posted by sinjineer

I never spanked my kids. They both have PhD's, are married, have kids, have successful careers and wonderful children and spouses. They never spank their kids either. How weird is that?

Sorry DoggyDaddy to disagree... no child should ever be beaten with a strap... And I doubt very much you deserved to be beaten as a child.

[Sky_Boss]

I'm sorry folks...

To those of us that were truly abused, this whole thread is beyond belief. For me it brings back some horrible memories. My relative success in life was not because I got beat but instead after years struggling as an adult with my past.

I was part of at least 3 generations of child beaten starting with my mom's dad through me. It was handed down by me to my step son because while I avoided these things I used bullying and yelling to replace physical beatings. It was also handed down to my son and daughter whom I lost at early ages due to divorce because I couldn't get emotionally attached. And it was handed down to my previous wife because of the same reasons and contributed to that divorce.

I was fortunate enough to find my lovely Sandee who has had to put up with my aloofness and self centered mannerism as I fought through my demons. I'm a much better person in spite of these these things but it wasn't easy at all.

It is really a strange thing to accept that my parents, especially my mom, did the best with what and how they grew up. It was what they learned and it is a teaching I reject. I don't doubt that they love me but their actions created a family tree unit that is so fractured that I can't connect with my siblings in a meaningful way.

I've read a few post that tell how they got beat. In some cases it perpetuates the myth that beatings are best because someone overcame them. In some cases such treatment desensitized a person so much they don't really understand what has happened to them.

I've said my piece and I hope this thread is closed and removed never to be seen again. It just isn't right.

[slowmachine]

Originally Posted by Sky_Boss

I'm sorry folks...



To those of us that were truly abused, this whole thread is beyond belief. For me it brings back some horrible memories. My relative success in life was not because I got beat but instead after years struggling as an adult with my past.

I wholly agree. I have resisted the urge to comment thus far, but cannot remain silent after your disclosure. There are degrees of corporal punishment. I escaped a few days after my 18th birthday and did not return for 29 years. By then, my stepfather had been in the grave for seven years and my mother was on her deathbed. These wounds never heal, and are as much a part of my life today as they were nearly 50 years ago. Spare the rod, really. Never pick it up. There is a better way.

[Old Car Nut]

Got my share of hide tanning back in the day. Principle nailed me a few times too.

Most of them one could argue I had coming since I knew before I did whatever it was I did to earn them that if I got caught, the whoopin was coming.

That said my step father was abusive when I was a teenager. Verbally and physically. Shortly after I turned 16 he took after me and I knocked him out. He came at me a couple other times and got the same result. That ended it. (Thank you Mr Harrington, high school boxing coach).

When it came to our kids, as toddlers they got a slapped hand. Mostly for touching things they were repeatedly told not to and most of the time it was something dangerous. Shocked them more than hurt them. That was the intent.

Once they could understand reasoning punishment changed to other consequences. Our kids hated to disappoint us and most of the time it was all it took. That would not have worked if we had not been so involved in our children every day.

Everyone was expected to be at the table for dinner. Chores and homework came first. If they said they didn't have homework the DW was always at the ready with a lesson or quiz. We talked as a family. We did things together all the time. We knew who their friends were. We knew the friends parents. Our kids didn't raise themselves, we raised them.

In the end I turned out just fine despite the abusive stepfather and our kids turned out even better because we were involved.

Jared: Network Security Engineer
Austen: Home builder
Jenna: Licensed Physicians Assistant (PA)
Kathrynn: Medical school (psychiatry)

Jenna has two children (7 & 2) and raises them exactly the way she was raised.

Jay

[oakcreekeric]

I don't think anyone is advocating "abuse" on this thread and I think a lot of the comments have been made, tongue-in-cheek (at least that's the way I took them)..

I know that I was subject to corporal punishment.. but I was NEVER abused... there is a fine line between the two.. and I think most of us know the difference...

[Fred1609]

I think the stories around spanking and outright abuse are endless. In my job I see more kids that have no boundaries or parental supervision, although I don't,as a rule, see the good kids. There are some professionals now call a child who is constantly misbehaving as suffering from "oppositional defiance syndrome". I've also heard the phrase "good police work is no substitute for poor parenting". Children need to have boundaries and know that there are consequences. Its up to the parents to approach their role in a fair and balanced way. No child should be abused. But physical correction? Well that's up to the parents and hopefully society holds those parents to account who physically abuse their kids.

[Sky_Boss]

Originally Posted by oakcreekeric

I don't think anyone is advocating "abuse" on this thread and I think a lot of the comments have been made, tongue-in-cheek (at least that's the way I took them)........

Here is the problem...

The OP asked, and I believe tongue-in-cheek, what to most might seem a fair question to reflect on. They didn't intone more or less but this thread has, IMHO, gone off topic and been perverted into a platform for justification of more serious forms of corporal punishment.

off came the belt

Little children do not understand respect, but they do get fear.

I deserved every but whippen I got

I was disciplined as a child. I got my butt tore up with a belt, and deserved it every time I got it.

I was spanked as a child, and whipped with a razor strap a few times as a teenager.

Those are a few comments posts where someone said they got physically punished using terms that I find characteristic of excessive/abusive treatment. Then they go on to say they came out OK. The problem is how many didn't come out OK under similar situations? These are the ones that don't have a real voice in this discussion. Those of us with a very strong feeling about this get drowned out by folks that say we don't have an understanding of setting limits and that we are the problem. We get labeled or our opinions get dismissed as being driven by liberal ideology.

The theme was teach fear first and respect will follow. Maybe that is true in some cases but I know it isn't true in all.

The state of understanding the child's brain and how it works is only beginning to be taken serious. Too many folks look at ADD, ADHD, ODD and other issues as a reflection on parenting skills and lack of discipline. Parents that have been raised under the use of severe corporal punishment will naturally resort to what they were taught even though the haven't sought help in dealing with underlying physical and mental issues that might affect the child.

As a direct answer to the OP:

I was spanked, I was spanked more, I was punched, I was whipped, I was isolated.

As a result
I suffered needlessly.
I had a condition known as, "Distrust of others including friends and family".

Epilogue:

I come out OK but only after I recognized my condition while going through counseling to deal with my step son. It wasn't until then that I could finally see what was done TO me, not FOR me, and come to grips with who I was. while I have a good life now, I have many years that were not so good. Just because I did come out OK in the end, there were many people in between that suffered because of me. A divorce, 2-3 trashed out relationships, isolation from folks (family and my own children) that wanted to get close to me and fear of intimacy were things that directly made MY life less than it could have been.

Never the less, I have forgiven my parents because I have learned what they went through and they just didn't know better. I just wish they were alive to understand what it wrought.

[Dick Noble]

I thought about making an off-the-cuff joke about this (spanking) but child abuse is not funny. Like all things in life, punishment of a child can be taken too far. What does "came out OK" mean?

I grew up a Navy brat -Dad was gone 6 months a year and Mom would always say "just you wait 'till your father gets home". By the time he got home she had forgotten all the stuff we did. Worked well for me since Dad was a boxing champ. He had the fastest hands I have ever seen, and, boy, could he work a speed bag! He also was one of the gentlest men I have ever known.