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Old 09-11-2012, 07:41 PM   #15
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So I'm watching the modulated milk bottle, and Hoda comes up with this stuff about airlines. Something about, ever wondered what was on the seat where you put your head, or how about the pocket in front of your seat. How many passengers on other legs put their tissue papers in there.

Hmmm! Glad I don't have a hankering to fly again.
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Old 09-12-2012, 08:48 AM   #16
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...A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
Has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
Read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late...
And does this German scientist have any suggestions on how to scroll the email if one's hand isn't on the mouse (cursor keys are essentially the same as a mouse)?
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Old 01-23-2013, 06:20 PM   #17
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What to do 2

It is 2013 and things change, yet they remain the same. Here is "What to do 2."
=====================

The new email list:

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. (wm/note: This is actually true about the lemons)

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you all I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY HAPPY( PARANOID FREE) NEW YEAR !
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Old 01-23-2013, 06:22 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyFitz... View Post
And does this German scientist have any suggestions on how to scroll the email if one's hand isn't on the mouse (cursor keys are essentially the same as a mouse)?
I use two fingers. That gives me a 50/50 chance that one will not have germs, but negates the mouse problem. It's a trackpad.

Two fingers - scroll
three fingers - move
four finger pinch - launchpad with all my apps.

and many more.
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Old 01-23-2013, 07:20 PM   #19
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You are actually Tony Shalhoub, right?
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Old 01-29-2013, 12:46 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CampDaven
You are actually Tony Shalhoub, right?
It's a jungle out there. You'll thank me later.
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