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Old 11-01-2007, 12:04 PM   #1
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Here are a collection of famous quotes..
Most are funny... some have a ring of truth

When Insults Had Class

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none
of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read
many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that
might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about
Ernest Hemingway)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But
this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a
nice letter saying I approved of it" -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." --
Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first
night of my new play; bring a friend... If you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill...

(followed by Churchill's response)

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one." -- Winston Churchill

"I feel so miserable without you; it's
almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his
creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's
hope it's nothing trivial." --Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the
cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine
to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter
Kerr

"Why do you sit there looking like an
envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and
kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a dinner party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee! "

Winston replied,"Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"
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Old 11-01-2007, 12:04 PM   #2
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Location: Carson City, Nevada USA
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Here are a collection of famous quotes..
Most are funny... some have a ring of truth

When Insults Had Class

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none
of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read
many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that
might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about
Ernest Hemingway)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But
this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a
nice letter saying I approved of it" -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." --
Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first
night of my new play; bring a friend... If you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill...

(followed by Churchill's response)

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one." -- Winston Churchill

"I feel so miserable without you; it's
almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his
creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's
hope it's nothing trivial." --Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the
cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine
to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter
Kerr

"Why do you sit there looking like an
envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and
kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a dinner party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee! "

Winston replied,"Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"
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Old 11-01-2007, 04:47 PM   #3
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Nice job putting a smile on me, I'm sure there are a number that will have to re read a few...
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Old 11-01-2007, 05:04 PM   #4
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Good on Ya John!!!! I am still chuckling here!!!!

Rick
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Old 11-01-2007, 05:33 PM   #5
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Now that is just FUN
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Old 11-02-2007, 09:49 AM   #6
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Yeah, thanks for the laugh. It would be interesting to see who each was directed against.
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Old 11-18-2007, 07:08 AM   #7
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I can't quote where I read it but I liked, "He is kind of like a Slinky, not good for much, but he makes you smile when you push him down the stairs".
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Old 11-18-2007, 09:17 AM   #8
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Thx. for sharing. Sure beats watching the news.
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Old 11-18-2007, 01:36 PM   #9
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Stanbnv:
I can't quote where I read it but I liked, "He is kind of like a Slinky, not good for much, but he makes you smile when you push him down the stairs". </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

hahahahahahaaaa....

now that one, I really like... and I can think of a few people I know who qualify as a "Slinky"
heh heh heh .....
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Old 11-18-2007, 02:41 PM   #10
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Here's one:

Politicians are like diapers: they need to be changed often, and for the same reason!
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Old 11-18-2007, 04:02 PM   #11
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Highway, that is not an insult...it is the truth

Ken
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Old 11-23-2007, 01:17 AM   #12
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Very funny!!!!
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Old 12-01-2007, 12:04 PM   #13
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While working in the operating room one day Dad looked at the fella on the other side of the patient and said " Your skill as a Surgeon is only exceeded by your good looks!"
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Old 12-07-2007, 08:56 AM   #14
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I believe this was George Bernard Shaw, so that's who I'll use.

Paramount Pictures sent a telegram to Shaw, offering $40,000 for the rights to a play.

Shaw sent a telegram to Paramount, offering $40,000 for Paramount.

The next day, he sent another telegram to Paramount. "Am rescinding last offer. Have reconsidered."
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