First let me thank everyone who reached out to me. Today I called Tamiani Ford in Naples and the tech stepped me through everything. It was determined that the "neutral tow" in the computer had to be enabled. So I went to a local Dealer and they hooked it up and enabled it for me.
This is what I learned this weekend, there is only 2 real components to this
1. electric transfer case motor, located on the transfer case
2. indicator light, mounted down by hood release on dash
In our case, sometime this summer the ETCM went bad. We did not notice as we didn't use the 4x4 or 2x4 until well into winter. When tech changed ETCM we learned that you have to also change the module (located behind radio, WAY back in there) OR we also learned that before changing anything one can upload the information before changing either part then re download everything thus only having to change one or the other. Problem was we didn't know which was bad. We first had the ETCM part changed (easiest to change) first then learned that it still didn't work so then changed the module.
Because of where we live, no one knew that the computer had to then be turned on or enabled for "tow neutral" to work again. This was a great learning curve for us and we should be able to point south as soon as weather cooperates.
Hope my info is able to help someone else. Safe travels, AM