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Old 11-23-2012, 03:42 AM   #1
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Navy aircraft mechanics................

I'm sure everyone has seen these before, but here they are again:

After every flight, Naval pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet, ' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Naval pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on demand.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly properly and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget


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Old 11-23-2012, 04:42 AM   #2
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Oldies, but goodies.

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Old 11-30-2012, 07:40 PM   #3
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Signed a gripe off the other day IFF won't work in OFF mode.
"I won't be wronged I won't be insulted I won't be layed a hand on. I don't do these things to other people. And I require the same from them." (John Bernard Books) John Wayne The Shootist his last Movie.
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Old 11-30-2012, 07:54 PM   #4
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Navy Aircraft Mechanics

You got me to thinking about my first tour in a Blimp Squadron and they had a similar list in reference to the Lighter than Air community. Must dig through ny Arhives to see if I can find them.
"We meet, We part, Till we meet again"
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Old 11-30-2012, 11:46 PM   #5
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From my USAF days of fixing fire control systems.

Radar Control Set knob loose
Knob job complete

Nuke Store fell 400' long
Who cares, close counts with nukes
Vince and Susan
2011 Tiffin Phaeton 40QTH (Cummins ISC/Freightliner)
Flat towing a modified 2005 Jeep (Rubicon Wrangler)
Previously a 2002 Fleetwood Pace Arrow 37A and a 1995 Safari Trek 2830.
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Old 11-30-2012, 11:55 PM   #6
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do you still have the midgets hammer?
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Old 12-01-2012, 05:11 AM   #7
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One of the best I ever read, "Evidence of oil leak in #2 engine." CORRECTIVE ACTION: Evidence removed.
Once on test flight on F-4c in VN, I pushed trottles to afterburner and tail hook dropped. CORRECTIVE ACTION: Reconnected tail hook to tail hook harness.
Barb & Mike - Two Air Force Retirees
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:32 PM   #8
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When I was a very young AMEAN (E3) my LPO gave me a MAF (Maintenance Action Form) for the H-46 helicopter which read:

Missing A. S. H. Receiver

It took me several hours of research asking every E-5, E-6 and a couple of chief's who would talk to me what it was and how to fix it

I finally signed it off: "Replaced the Ash Tray"

At least I did not get sent to every squadron on the base trying to borrow a left handed monkey wrench. My shipmate Pete spent all day on that one.
Doug & Lanita Full Time Since July 2012
2010 Itasca Ellipse 40CD TOAD 2012 Jeep Liberty.
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Old 01-03-2013, 02:17 PM   #9
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This has been around the Air Force Flight Line for many years, thanks for the humor, always good to re-read them.
Del & Carol/Muffin & Satina (Pugs)
26 yrs Air Force, 22 Yrs Civil Service/2005 Bounder 35E, 8.1

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Old 01-14-2013, 07:41 AM   #10
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When a young wise-a$$ Fireman Apprentice the COB asked me to get a left-handed Monkey Wrench. I told him I'd do that immediately but didn't think I'd have much luck. He asked me why and I said 'because I think you're probably the only left-handed Monkey on the Base'.
I was Mess-Cooking the next day.

Then there was the time I was told to get 3-feet of Sterile Fallopian Tube................................
Bob (Squidly Down Under) & Peg - 2013 Ford Focus pushing a 2011 Phoenix Cruiser 2552S
"In God we trust" to preserve our country and bring our Troops safely home.
Carry on, regardless..................
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Old 01-14-2013, 08:00 AM   #11
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In 'Nam i at times signed off an entry with "entered in ignorance". There was a standard entry of "entered in error".
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Old 01-14-2013, 10:05 AM   #12
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We used to send newbies to base supply for 1000 feet of flight line and ten gallons of prop wash.
SSgt. Richard L Ray, USAF (Retired) - Laura L Ray
Our second home is a vintage 1995 Jayco Eagle 277RB 'The Love Shack"
towed by a 2008 Ford F-250 Lariat Crew Cab short bed "The Green Goblin"

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Old 01-16-2013, 09:37 AM   #13
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All probably unacceptable in today's military as they'd probably classify it as 'Hazing'.
Sure ain't the same as the 'Cold War' era.
Bob (Squidly Down Under) & Peg - 2013 Ford Focus pushing a 2011 Phoenix Cruiser 2552S
"In God we trust" to preserve our country and bring our Troops safely home.
Carry on, regardless..................
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Old 02-04-2013, 08:43 AM   #14
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My favorite was teaching the trainee how to do the intercom check in the 2 seater F9, You know that funnel on a hose located down between your legs. "I can't hear you, you have to put your mouth right on the funnel". I know, kind of gross!

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