Soooo tired
Posted 03-29-2023 at 09:48 PM by Misjudg
Trying to keep my head up. I keep telling myself things are going to get better. I wouldn't say they haven't gotten like worse but they are definitely stagnant I'm just in limbo. I'm kind of losing my my motivation it's just tired. I think I'm going to try to get a spot at Coyote point soon I need to get a break. The only thing is I have this new squeak and it's concerning me. I don't know I am think I may have found a mechanic or someone that I could go to and I have questions somebody introduced me to him so I'm going to call him tomorrow and see when we can meet up and talk. I am feeling like I need to go down to porterville and visit my friend and stay for maybe a month or so so I can put this in one of his Warehouse things cuz I'm pretty sure I got to replace all the panels in the back of the RV like a little bedroom there I am the water damage is becoming apparent from the storms and even though I have tarps up and you know it's still happened and I'm going to have to address it. So I think I'm going to have to take the panels off get a dehumidifier probably going to need to have part of it reframed and then put new panels back on and have to do it all like myself with the help of a friend because I can't afford to pay to have someone do it. Also air in my tires it's funny I can do the air and my outside tires but the way that they did the inner tires in the back it's impossible to get to so I got to find somewhere I can do that for me cuz I'm wondering if the squeak is coming from the tires they look a little low to me but then again I need to go to the dump station I'm like at my limit I am and I know this thing's real heavy I just was waiting to get paid to go do it. My job search is kind of been at a standstill I get lots of offers a job but they're far away and they're in a places where I don't want to relocate to but I have to think of something I was thinking about just doing some temporary work just to get some money together to get this thing squared away. I was thinking when I redo the panels in the back I'm going to put insulation in there cuz it's freezing you know it gets so damn cold in these things I don't know why they don't do some kind of insulation. I mean we've had a few breaks in the rain but even so that the cold for us in California is pretty bitter and I can put the heater on no problem the heater is awesome my my furnace kicks but but I need a new thermostat but it's great heater I just you know when you turn it off shortly after it's cold again cuz the thing's not insulated plus me needing skylights cuz I lost them in the wind storm does it help. Before this last storm hit I spent two hours on the roof of the Harvey and boy I was feeling it the next day I wanted to make sure everything was secure and patch any holes in my tarp and I'm definitely when I can going to get a a heavier duty tarp maybe something a little bit bigger. So that's been going on with me I am have my concerns as usual but just keep plugging a line it's a crazy world we live in these days. Never thought I'd see myself unemployed and struggling the way I am after working so hard all these years. I am frustrated I get my unemployment check and it's so small and I'm supposed to be making the maximum amount but I've never seen that much never not once. So they deduct my few hours I work at my second job from what I make so that makes it even less. So it comes down to do I want to get some food and look nice for my interview or should I go do some laundry instead of buying food and look clean and nice but hungry and not on my game because I'm just depressed. Or I can go to my interview with a full belly and not so nice clean clothes and still feel down and depressed and not on my game for an interview because I'm filling insecure. I've always been pretty confident and I've always nailed interviews and done really well and my last couple of them I can tell that it was in my game one job I wanted so badly it was perfect and I never heard from them made me really sad because it was just like it would have been perfect it would have been my last job it would have been my end game it's just exactly what I was looking for. I'm the kind of person that it's so important to do what I love otherwise I'm just miserable and sure I can go get some minimum wage job and be miserable. I guess I'm too prideful for that still I mean making minimum wage it's like the same thing as making unemployment it's like so little and I'm too old to kill myself making minimum wage just to survive. I'm really feeling my age lately. I'm just grateful for my cats they keep me going. And it's funny it seems like sometimes you can tell they know cuz I'm definitely not the same person I was. I just want to go and park up in the redwoods up north and have one job and maybe try to enjoy life a little bit just keeps furthering for that reach it's like I work all my life for really nothing I've nothing to show for it. You know I planned my RV journey and I thought it was going to be different because I thought it was going to get a nicer RV not the lemon that I got that my brother picked out or nothing worked I'm not we don't speak anymore because it's just better that way I would really let him have it you know he bought it and put money into things that really were trivial when he should have been taking that money and putting it into the important things I would really need. But obviously he doesn't know anything about rving but since he's a big brother he always thinks he knows more than I do and he's gotten so arrogant and grumpy and his old age I'm just I can't deal with arguing with him anymore. I'm just going to do the best I can take care of what I have and be grateful that I even have a roof over my head. also grateful that people have been very flexible with me of parking because I'm considerate and keep things clean and I'm quiet but my water damage is made the rear of the RV kind of an eyesore because it's warping and I don't know I don't know. So I think tomorrow I'm going to do some clean up cuz I can never seem to get organized in this thing I need to just start getting it done cuz it's starting to drag me down I know I'll feel so much better. You don't want to clean out a bunch of stuff in the RV and go through my things and organize and kind of make it more suitable for me on the inside after what a year and a half now. I want to take my love seat out on my slide out cuz it's aftermarket my brother picked a ugly crappy one that he put in that's not even made for an RV so it's not functional I don't use it anyway but the stack stuff on it and I wanted to put like a like a table there and some storage so I have a little cubby to do my crafting and sewing and painting and all that so like when I go camping or go to Coyote point I can put my slide out like towards the ocean and sit in my little crafty neck and paint or so or whatever it's very therapeutic. I thought I'd be kind of a cool idea I should make a post and see if anybody else is like done something like that and give me some ideas. Well this is me I'm trying to be more regular about posting I'm going to get better at it I don't even know if anybody really reads these things but it's therapeutic for me to just get it off my chest I'm just grateful you guys are here I feel like I have some people out there that get it. Maybe one day I'll meet some of you guys for all the advice and help you've done. This is Shannon signing off. Or I should say it Shannon peanut image into signing off. Oh I thought I did touch a couple files of my favorite spot to park I like to bird watch and I found a cool little spot maybe I'll start posting some pictures regularly I get to see some pretty cool rare birds they kind of they're not the best pictures but I don't know I thought you might enjoy some. I got to figure out how to upload a video I have a great video of a red tail hawk that was eating lunch right next to me I was just blown away that he's like 10 ft away from me and he grabbed a rat and he was like munching down it's pretty cool. I'm not sure which pictures I was able to upload but I don't know if there's any other bird watchers out there hit me up I'd like to hear about your adventures.
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