mrwrench,
I just went through the same situation (2000 Bounder 39Z DP) last week.
The Fleetwood documentation states that it's normal for the relay(s) to chatter on genset shutdown. Since the coil(s) are connected to the genset output, when it is coasting down during shut down, as the generator voltage decreases the relays will chatter.
The warm breaker box, as mentioned, is not normal. Also as mentioned, the heavier the load the warmer it will probably get. In my case with both AC's running, it was too hot to touch, and the smell was unmistakable.
My breaker box, which houses the transfer relays, is at waist level in the hallway which was a plus for me making it easy to work on. Removing the front panels, the ac breaker cluster, and the DC fuse buss block will reveal the two transfer relays located at the back of the box of course. (some models of box have to access the relays from the rear.) Mine had two relays, which switch two generator output circuits, but some boxes with only one generator output circuit will have only one relay.
One of the relay armatures on the left relay, likely due to a loose connection earlier, had turned into a crispy critter and had gotten hot enough to "blue" the steel and do a pretty good job of melting it's braided connection to the load making it brittle. While removing the relay for replacement, the armature came off in my hand, so probably my next trip out it probably would have cashed in which would have been a show stopper disconnecting the load from both generator or shore power.
The good news to all this, the replacement relay is available from Amazon for around $25 or so
. The relay, I guess you could say, is an industry generic type, so there is no mention of it being part of a transfer switch and it appeared identical to my second relay which came from the factory.
If the forum allows it, I can post the link for the relays, which is a fairly standard part for a number of transfer switches.