A full-fledged drug search

[Bowser]

I was given a Class B van, which I had to pick up in Ohio. I then drove to Arizona to visit relatives, and then home to Oregon. I can imagine this officer suspected I might have dropped down to Mexico, "loaned" my RV to someone for 1/2 an hour, and then driven back over the border.

Now, I’m in Northern Arizona cruise controlling at 63 mph in a 75 zone. This sucker is a product of the 55 mph speed limit days, and gets terrible gas mileage at 65 mph or over. I’m minding my own business, tootling along, and notice a black and white SUV behind me with shotgun and everything. Lights. With nothing to fear except one small matter, the van isn’t registered, has expired Ohio plates, my conscience is clear. I had asked the Oregon DMV how to transport it and they said to either buy a trip permit in every state or just throw myself on the mercy of whoever stops me.

Cop follows me for about 10 miles, clearly checking the registration and character of the former owner. He then hits the lights. I pull over, roll down my window and sit with my hands on the steering wheel. He’s sneaky, comes up on the passenger side. He stares at me, I stare at him, and a number of seconds pass. I figure out he thinks I have power windows. I don't.

"Open the door."

He opens it, and asks if I know why he pulled me over. I ask him why. He explains that I have expired plates.

"Oh, it’s worse than that!", I say.

"How can it be worse than that?, he asks, laughing. I tell him the story. He asks me to get out with my drivers license and insurance. I do so.

He looks at the insurance certificate very suspiciously, obviously interested in how I managed to insure a vehicle which isn’t registered. "How did you get this?"

"They sold it to me."

"Must have charged a lot!"

He tells me to stand on the passenger side of his car, between the front quarter panel and open front door. He calls in my drivers license information on the radio and telephones the number on the insurance card to verify it.

He then clips my insurance card and drivers license to his shirt and gets out. In the meantime a Doberman Pinscher in a cage in the back seat is going nuts. Very nice teeth, though, and lots of them.

He tells me I dodged a $900 item with the insurance card and then asks where I’m going and where I’ve been. Allendale, Michigan, I say, then Tucson and then on my way home. What’s in Tucson? Relatives, including one who built a muffler and exhaust stack for my generator, and show him that. What's their names, where do they live?

He asks if I have any drugs in the van. (They never did a pat down, body search or handcuff me.) I explain that I’ve been clean for 34 years, and wasn’t dumb enough to run drugs across Arizona in a van with expired registration. I was dumb enough to try to get away with the registration, but not drugs, too.

I wouldn’t mind if he looked, then, would I. Well, yes, I think I would at this point. I don’t know what anyone else has done in this thing, and if "Ol’ Sniffer" back there finds a seed someone dropped I could spend the next 5 years on a chain gang at Joe Arapio’s Tent City Bar and Bologna Grill.

He says he’s not interested in seeds, and that for him a tip-off is someone who says they know they are clean but don’t know what anyone else has done. That’s a biggie for him, though I don’t know what else I could have said.

I know my rights. I can say "Officer, I do not consent to any searches."

I know his rights. He can cause me endless problems over the expired registration. I ponder my options, knowing there are no illicit drugs in that van with the possible exception of some dreg left behind by someone.

That concerns me. The fellow from whom I bought it kept meticulous records, was neat as a pin, lived in a well cared for house and outbuildings, and raced motorcycles. That part concerned me. The cop presses and I dither for quite a while. Look, I’m a retired CD counselor. I’m simply not silly enough to run drugs in a vehicle with the right to pull me over on public display like that plate.

At one point I said, "I’m an addict – - – " and he interjected "Was that a Freudian slip? Are you an addict? You don’t look like an addict?" I finished " – - – who has been clean for 34 years. And we regard ourselves as addicts for the rest of our lives, even though we aren’t using."

Finally, weighing the options, thinking I’m an idiot for believing he’s not interested in droppings, I tell him to go ahead.

He heads back to his car and radios for backup. While we’re waiting he’s busy writing. He looks up at me and says he has to log all his stops, but that he doesn’t give tickets. I gather he’s looking for drug runners pretty much full time.

2 more cars arrive shortly, park in echelon, lights going off all over, a 24 foot wall of lights. I’m told to stand 20 feet in front of the van under the watchful eye of one of the cops. Rather round fellow, looked like a baker. The other two start through the interior of the van. I tell them the keys to the outside compartments are in the ignition and they go through everything they can open. They shut most things back up.

And then one of them gets "Ol’ Sniffer", a Doberman Pinscher who is as affable as can be. He can even walk on two legs when he’s at the end of his leash and he wants to come over and greet me. Nice teeth showing, he wants to chew the fat, my fat. But on two legs he’s not strong enough to pull the cop along and they turn him loose in the van, one guy with him pointing out this and that, the dog excited, sniffing here and there and then they bring him out.

Now they go around the van and under the van. They did not open the hood for some reason. "Ol’ Sniffer" is fast, efficient, goes where he’s pointed and then is put back in the car. No reward, which I thought was kind of cheesy for such a hot day.

The 3 cops confer in the shade of the van while I stand in front, a drug-dealing SOB as far as all the passersby are concerned. After a while they hand me back my insurance stuff and drivers license, tell me to drive safely and we all go on our way. Took about an hour and 15 minutes.

I felt better knowing the van was clean, and sort of glad for the experience. And that’s what you can expect if you poke along 12 miles under the speed limit with expired plates in Arizona.

[wildbill001]

Wow.... My son(39) and grandson(22) were recently pulled over one night outside of Austin, TX. My son had just picked up his kids(5 and 10) for the weekend and was heading back to the DFW area.

He sees the bubble-gum machine going in his review mirror so he pulls over. Next thing you know the car is surrounded by local cops with guns drawn. The grandkids start freaking out, my son and grandson (who is of mixed race, BTW) are REAL careful to keep hands where everyone can see them.

LONG story, short. It was a case of mistaken identity(sure....). Seems that a car matching his was used in an attempted bank robbery or something. The cops were just "being careful". Here's the kicker: His trunk lock is currently broken. He has the trunk tied close with a nice length of rope going across the top of the trunk. You can't miss it. Somehow the cops did....

[Midniteoyl]

Nice story telling

[okmunky]

You have to give the Highway Patrol troopers credit for throughness. It was a license plate issue -- missing, supposedly had been tied on with baling wire -- that got Tim McVey caught by an Oklahoma Trooper.

In case you have forgotten -- he built, delivered and dentonated the bomb that destroyed the Alfred P. Murrah Federal building in Oklahoma City along with 168 innocent people. Nineteen of the dead were children in the day care center just feet away from where McVey parked the bomb filled truck.

Bowser, I'm sorry you were delayed, but I am ever so thankful for State Troopers.

[Bowser]

Barb, sorry if I came across as irritated. I wasn't at the time, or later, and he could have been a lot harder on me than he was.

Not sure I understand the comparison with Timothy McVeigh except we were both kind of dumb. And the cop who pulled McVeigh over had no idea he was a bomber. McVeigh almost walked out of jail. And there was only one McVeigh even though there have been millions of people with expired plates. (I'm guessing. It might have only been me a couple of hundred times.)

By the way, I have to admire you. I don't know what a "morkie" is, but I know "monkey" and anyone who can tolerate being in a confined space with one is a far stronger person than I. Pile the "morkie" into the mix and you have a book.

[W4MBG]

a cross between a monkey and a yorkshire terrier??? man, that would be a strange one...

[kekker]

I had Just bought a new Austin and was out on the Hyway tring it out, at aroud 88 mph. i soon seen a HP in the mirror, sooo i put up to 105, then i got thinking, what the hell am i doing, im 68 years old and dont need this on my record. i pull over and the HP comes up and says, ive had a LOOOng day and i get off in twenty min. if you can give me a really good excuse i will let you go. i told him my wife ran off with a HP and i thought you were bringing her back, he sead (have nice day)

[okmunky]

Kekker -- too funny! Thanks for the laugh.

Bowser -- Sorry that I got off on a tangent. It started as a comparison about State Troopers and license plate issues and took on a life of it's own. I was driving to OKC from Ada, OK that morning and drove within a half mile of the burning building. I guess some of the trauma still remains.

Lily is 1/2 maltese and 1/2 yorkie and 8 pounds of perpetual energy. Very much a barker also. She joined us as a tiny puppy so that Sena could have someone lower than her in status. That seems to be very important for her emotional well-being and it could not be me. I am, and must always be, the troop alpha.

Monkeys do teach you patience. But, I will admit that the 2 of them, in a small motorhome, on a rainy day will cause me to question my sanity. That's why we travel-- in search of sunshine and pleasant temperatures.

I'm so happy that your trooper/license issue only cost you a 75 minute delay.

Monkhugs,

[Wayne M]

Well, I got my ticket.

Trooper pulled me over and asked me, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

I said "No, and if you don't, why did you stop me?" To which he replied, "Ah, smart guy, eh? What do you do for a living?"

I just couldn't resist so I said, "I'm a "rear end stretcher" (cleaned that up)

"Oh yeah, and what does a "rear end stretcher" do?"

"Well, I can take two fingers and stretch a rear end two inches, or I can take two hands and stretch a rear end 6 feet."

The trooper asked, "And just what would you do with a rear end stretched to 6 feet."

Remember, I said I got my ticket. I responded, "Give him a radar gun and put him on top of a bridge."

[Bowser]

When I told the officer I was dumb enough to drive an unregistered vehicle across Arizona but not run drugs at the same time he told me of a guy he had caught the week before.

300 pounds of marijuana in the car. But what attracted the cop was that he was driving 105 MPH.

And some people say that marijuana doesn't make you stupid.

[Dogpatch]

Originally Posted by Bowser

When I told the officer I was dumb enough to drive an unregistered vehicle across Arizona but not run drugs at the same time he told me of a guy he had caught the week before.

300 pounds of marijuana in the car. But what attracted the cop was that he was driving 105 MPH.

And some people say that marijuana doesn't make you stupid.

He probably had the munchies and was thinking about food and forgot he was speeding.

Also, I'm surprised that he allowed you to continue without registration. Isn't that illegal in itself? It would be different if it was registered but you didn't have it with you.

[frazierdee]

I loved the stories. We are from Oregon, now working/wintering in Arizona, and also full-timing between those states and more. Thanks Bowser for an amusing story by someone from my beloved home state. We use to be Portland Saturday market folks - and by the way - Go Ducks - great game today. Nice writing -

[R2Home]

Several years ago, there was an electrian that worked for the company that the
DW worked for. He was always ragging on her and just being an a$$. Well he was going out of town on a job and went to a local bank to get cash for his travels. About the same time in another part of town, there was a robbery and an APB went out for a person/vehicle that match the electrian. Needless to say he was pulled over with weapons drawn. Yes he matched the person that robbed the other place, had a good amount of cash and was carrying a weapon. He attempted to tell the police who he worked for and that he was on his way out of town for a job. Hence the police call the place that he worked for and who answered the phone, but the DW. They asked if he worked for the company,to which she replied 'no, never heard of that person'! After several hous of detention he was released, as they did catch the correct robber. The electrian went back to the company and confronted the DW about what she did, to which she informed him that she was tired of his BS, and that was her pay back.
After that he was as nice as could be and never crossed her again.

[okmunky]

LOL! Hell hath no more fury than a woman overly harrassed.