Headlines from the year 2029

[camper1b]

Headlines from the year 2029 :

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (hmmm)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

[camper1b]

Headlines from the year 2029 :

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (hmmm)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

[WWFan]

ohhh...good ones!!! I can hardly wait to buy that Japanese camera!

Sean

[Jimmy Jam]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by camper1b:
Headlines from the year 2029 :

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.


What's killing them in North Mexas?

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

You mean BOTH of them are?

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

take your problem up with Bigfoot!

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Marriage?? what's that? I think we studied that in a history book once...

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

His name? Osama bin Laden

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

LOLOLOL!! 'Nuff said!

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Well, I have heard that Jamaican bobsled team was some tough customers!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Bill Clinton arrested at the Shady Hills nursing home for sexually assaulting a female companion's "oval office"!

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Is that Bush, the XII' th?

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

no rate change on email however...

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the key to weight loss.

New weight loss fad sweeping the country!

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Wow. I only have to gain 25 pounds to be there now..

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (hmmm)

IMPOSSIBLE!!!! totally untrue! My wife even sleeps with her mouth open!! LOLOLOL

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

I always wondered how I was going to die....

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

I don't think that will wait to be in the headlines that far in advance. How about, maybe 2012?

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Wow! "Nahhh,, Yao !" I said Wow..he said Yao!"

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

what about those dangerous pushup bras?

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Didn't I see that in the paper today....?

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

Film at 11:00....

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

why stop there? Here, take all my babies' RV, err uhh MILK money too!

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

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