I'm not too sure of the TRUE part of many of these...

[bsinmich]

Charley, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang on job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, 'Good morning, General.' "
*****
A forty-year-old hillbilly carried a younger hillbilly into Dr Ruth's office, deposited him on the examining table, and said: "Y'all see if'n y'all kin patch him up soon. I shot up his rear end like it wuz a tail on a possum. Don't hurt him none, 'cuz he muh son-in-law."
Puzzled, Dr Ruth asked: "Why would you shoot your son-in-law?"
The older hillbilly grunted: "He warn't muh son-in-law when I shot him."