Military 'Humor'

[IC2]

As a former military grunt way back, recall a bunch about these little truisms

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." --U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." --USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." --Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable not to eject directly over the area you just bombed." --U.S. Air Force manual

"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo." --Infantry Journal

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." --Infantry Journal

"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once." --Anon

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." --Infantry Journal

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." --USAF Ammo Troop

[TonyMac]

Tracers work in both directions

[raccoonman]

All the planning in the world disappears on first contact with the enemy, leaving you with your training and instincts. Your INSTINCT is to haul butt; your training is to stay PUT

[MSHappyCampers]

[TonyDi]

Any landing you walk away from was a good landing.

[sdennislee]

That's the breaks of Naval Air, skid marks in the sky
I may get drunk but I crawl home like a sailor
If I wanted it tomorrow I would have called you tomorrow

[TonyMac]

You can shoot down all the MiGs there are, but when you come home to find Charlie is hanging his flightsuits on your wooden hangers, you've lost.

[FL420]

The three most useless things in aviation are fuel in the truck, runway behind you and air above you.

I would rather be on the ground wishing I was in the air than in the air wishing I was on the ground

If a pilot screws up... the pilot dies
If an air traffic controller screws up... the pilot dies

Tracers work both ways...only your end is guaranteed to have a target(my corollary)

[Ernie.]

Never stand if you can sit.
Never sit if you can lie down.
If at all possible go by transportation.

[raccoonman]

foxholes are never deep enough the first time, but always deep enough the second time you have to dig one

no obstacle is impenetrable given enough time and explosives

[IC2]

....and just a few more to recall 'those days'

-Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
-B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
-Sniper’s motto: reach out and touch someone.
-The one item you need is always in short supply.
-Interchangeable parts aren’t.
-It’s not the one with your name on it; it’s the one addressed “to whom it may concern” you’ve got to think about.
-When in doubt, empty your magazine.
-The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
-Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
-If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
-Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
-The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
-Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
-Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel’s HQ.
-The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

[raccoonman]

Shipboard: The thing you need most is at the back of the furthest storeroom and the guy with the keys to it is at the other end of the ship

That inspection that was scheduled for next week is now scheduled for thirty minutes ago

That deck you spent all day buffing and waxing for inspection just got wrecked by a damage control party doing a fire drill

Your dress blues are perfect, you just got them back from the cleaners, and you left them hanging in the closet at home

A new pair of Corfams is a magnet for knee-knockers (hatchway coamings)

The galley is serving steak and lobster tonight and you just had two teeth filled and a wisdom tooth pulled in Dental

[Edison65]

If you see something that makes you look down, you'd better look up.

[TonyMac]

Air Force...eat till you're tired, sleep till you're hungry.