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Old 01-15-2021, 04:42 PM   #1
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Squirrels

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with Godís divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of Godís creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They havenít seen a squirrel since.
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Old 01-15-2021, 04:52 PM   #2
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That's pretty funny!

Take care,
Stu
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Old 01-15-2021, 07:31 PM   #3
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I concur! Bushy-tailed Tree Rats!
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Old 01-15-2021, 07:49 PM   #4
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It sounds like circumcision is the answer. How do you restrain them while you perform the "procedure" and what, if any, anesthetic would you recommend?
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Old 01-16-2021, 10:59 AM   #5
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Old 01-16-2021, 03:45 PM   #6
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It sounds like circumcision is the answer. How do you restrain them while you perform the "procedure" and what, if any, anesthetic would you recommend?
According to Rabbi I. Kutcherpekeroff ("Second cuts are my speciality.") no anesthesia is required for the desired results.
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Old 01-16-2021, 07:38 PM   #7
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It would be the same procedure as getting moth balls.
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Old 01-16-2021, 08:02 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tdcolby View Post
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with Godís divine will.



At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.



The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of Godís creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.



The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.



But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.



Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They havenít seen a squirrel since.


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Old 01-16-2021, 08:41 PM   #9
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That put a smile on my face for quiet a while.......

Wonder who will complain that it isn't PC in 2021...

I LOVE IT!!!!
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Old 01-16-2021, 09:21 PM   #10
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squirrels have poly-tics?
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Old 01-16-2021, 09:55 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rgvtexan View Post
squirrels have poly-tics?
One of my favorite quotes ever attributed to former Wyoming Senator Alan Simpson, "The word 'politics' is interesting because it comes from the Greek, you know that? Poly, meaning many, and tics, meaning blood-sucking insects!"

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