Unavoidable laws

[Larry & Rita]

These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe…
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
17. Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
18. Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Larry ‘s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

[Rmiscoord]

#19 -- Especially if sold at Costo

[Mr_D]

Originally Posted by Rmiscoord

#19 -- Especially if sold at Costo

Actually that's part of Costco's plan to sell out quickly. People know they might not have it next time in so better buy it now!

[RustyJC]

#20 (maybe a corollary to #19) - Any computer or electronics hardware you buy is obsolete before you get it home, up and running.

Rusty

[Midniteoyl]

#1 every day..

#19 is also at Walmart..

[rebuilder]

you forgot one rv's law: no sooner than you open up the roof to repair it a monsoon rain will appear

[Go Dawgs]

Thanks for the laugh

[Dwayne & Shara]

lol thanks I needed that

[JRNOLL]

12. (A) A hot cup of coffee on an air plane will cause turbulance.

[gfs1943]

Very good! I still like Coles law best!

[Dogpatch]

#21 Law of Phones If you are on a land line, your cell phone rings and vice versa.

#22 Law of Phones if you are checking your voicemail, the phone always rings and they leave a message that you can't retrieve till you call your voicemail again.

#23 Law of Phones If you are on the phone, the call you have been waiting for is the one beeping in your ear.

#24 Law of Phones The phone call you answer is never for you. In our house, with a teenage daughter, it's never for me or my wife.

#25 Law of Phones The call you have been waiting forever for is missed and you can't reach them till they return from holidays.

[ka7suz]

Thought I'd add these - hope they haven't been around before (or not too recently - LOL)

Tool Definitions
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. (Also useful in removing thumb nails.)

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only
while in use. (If placed in your pocket while open it can turn your pocket
into a cloth tunnel.)

SON-OF-A-B*** TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a ***' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[wa8yxm]

And from what I have found Murphy... Was an optimist.

Davis' collary to Murphy's law (Which by the way was my initial response to hearing Murphy's law back in about 1968 or 1969 for the first time)
.

If nothing can go wrong... it will anyway.

Oh, my name... Believe it or not, really is Davis.