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Old 06-10-2019, 08:43 PM   #127
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I apologize in advance for the length of this post:

Three years ago I bought our RV. My wife was not happy about it but agreed for me to get it if I wouldnít make her go out in it. She agreed I could go on short-term trips alone if I wanted to. My dream was upon retirement to go to our daughters for a week at a time, or visit my elderly dad, take longer trips to boondock in national forests, etc. I thought it would make traveling easier for her since it could all be packed and ready. No more dealing with check out times at hotels, or finding someone elseís kinky hairs in the motel bed, and as a bonus, having our own ambience with us all the time.

As it worked out, traveling is never easy for her, and having our own home on wheels hasnít changed her opinion of it. Even with me doing all the meals, all the packing except for her own clothes and personal items she just finds it too much of a challenge to leave home. I have done a few solo weekend trips, she has gone with me for several weekends to the daughters and my dad and/or one of my grown daughters and I have gone on weekends. I treasure those memories even though they donít equal my full dream.

Fast forward to today. Those memories may be all I will have. 4 months ago my wife was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. It came out Stage 1a and she did well with the surgery. The doctor recommended three rounds of chemo afterward. The first round almost killed her. She stands a better chance of survival from Stage 1a without further treatment than she does surviving another round of chemo.

After 10 days in the hospital where I almost lost her, and 10 days at inpatient rehab therapy, she came home. Unfortunately she seems to be one of the few who may never regain what was lost as a result of the chemo treatment. She now exhibits fast-advancing Parkinsonís symptoms and I retired several months early to help with her needs.

Now, in between the needs inside the house, I enjoy working on the motor home, getting all the little things an older RV needs fixed and tweaked. I have it parked right in front of our rural house. Will I ever use it again? Probably not unless she experiences miraculous healing, passes away, or decides she wants to visit the children in spite of her very real deficits.

All that to say: I am retired now but life has happened. Do I regret buying it? No I do not. If I never go again, it was worth it to me. Do I wish she had caught the vision? Of course. But if it never happened, and she wasnít ill, I would continue to enjoy the 2 or 3 day trips that I would still be making, mostly without her.

Youíve been given good advice in this thread. Especially those advocating listening to her, finding out what would make it work for her, and what keeps it from working. And then, if it doesnít work out, be thankful for the good life you have, and work out ways to continue enjoying life as a passionately and happily married couple. Itís not worth blowing your marriage out over or making her unhappy for several months out of the year.

Life is fragile. Hard times come and usually go. God is good.
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Old 06-10-2019, 09:01 PM   #128
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I can understand the wifeís point of view. We spent years RVing when our boys were young. I enjoyed it then, and we could afford to go places and stay longer than we could have if weíd done the hotel route. After the boys left, we spent time flying to destinations, renting a car and flying back home after a couple of weeks. After I retired, he wanted to buy a new to us RV. Who wants to spend your vacation cooking and cleaning up? I didnít, but I agreed. Now that weíve spent some time in the RV, Iím good with it. We spent 3 months last summer traveling to Alaska. I wouldnít trade it. Fantastic trip. The downside is that he doesnít want to do any traveling outside the country that Iíd like to do. Guess Iím going without him. So, find out what she doesnít like about the RV lifestyle and try to work around it. Compromise should be the answer. Good luck.
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Old 06-10-2019, 10:19 PM   #129
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Wow! reading all the perspectives from this long thread has been an eye opener for the myriad of situations "out there." My condolences and cyber hugs to those of you who've lost a spouse. That is my worst nightmare. I'm taking your loss as a message to live each day.
I am a wife and have often heard the phrase happy wife, happy life, but learned on this thread of happy spouse, happy house. I like it!

Hubby had the RV life in mind for our retirement. He retired 5 years before I was eligible to retire. During that time we did as others here have mentioned..he drove RV to a destination and I joined him via an airline flight. Shipped my dirty laundry home via UPS.

Something that I could add to this thread that has not been mentioned is how we do our life now that we are BOTH retired. One year ( starting January 1) hubby plans everything we do. The NEXT year is my turn to plan everything we do. That includes reservations and scheduling. We do have a power of veto however but have only used it for health issues! Our friends know of our arrangement and often ask "Whose year is it to plan?" Hubby says he only has to wait one year to do do what he really wants.. That said he has dragged me to some god forsaken places that turned out to be among my top 10 ever places to visit. FLEXIBILITY seems to be key to happy RVing. Stuff happens! Life is a compromise and I'm happy to make the compromises to keep this companionship and feel blessed to enjoy the RV lifestyle! 20 years RVing and still loving all aspects ( except short showers if boon docking)
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Old 06-11-2019, 12:09 AM   #130
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Originally Posted by MarvinG View Post
Youíve been given good advice in this thread. Especially those advocating listening to her, finding out what would make it work for her, and what keeps it from working. And then, if it doesnít work out, be thankful for the good life you have, and work out ways to continue enjoying life as a passionately and happily married couple. Itís not worth blowing your marriage out over or making her unhappy for several months out of the year.

Life is fragile. Hard times come and usually go. God is good.
A beautiful but sad story. I hope you can use that RV at some point!
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Old 06-11-2019, 01:08 AM   #131
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Smile Talk to Her! 😊

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Originally Posted by rver98 View Post
I need a little advise here. Hopefully sincere rather than jokes. I recently retired and it has always been my dream to travel and explore in the RV. My wife still works part time as a teacher and gets the summers off. It's like pulling teeth to get her to go away on a two or three week trip. We do go on weekend trips during the year, however I want to go on longer trips, like we did when the kids were younger.

What are your thoughts, suggestions, etc.?

Thanks
Seems like Ďrvethereyetí had it right, insofar as identifying why his wife didnít like extended trips on the sailboat. She wanted to be with him but wasnít crazy about the water. Bingo! Find out whatís behind her reluctance.
Have you talked to your wife? I mean: Sit her down when thereís no interruptions and you two can talk. Explain how much it means to you to travel in your RV with her (without judgement or defensiveness or any communication blockers) and tell her you want to understand her reluctance to do extended trips and then LISTEN.
If I know women (and Iíve been one for a long time) this approach could get you further by building that emotional connection, then the other good, concrete ideas others have offered could fall into place.
Best of luck and let us know how it goes (share what youíre comfortable sharing).
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Old 06-11-2019, 07:19 AM   #132
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We had motor homes and TT over the years, but really never got to travel more than one week trip. Wife was not onboard to buy a motor home. But she had cancer surgery and her mother died in the same week. A week later our 44 yr old Son died of a heart attack. We reevaluated our life. Tho we still have a business, we decided to buy a MH and try it for a couple of year. Just a trial. That was 9 years ago, and tho we still have to work in our business to be able to afford to travel, it has worked. We take a few short trips during the year and two months in the fall. Rallies and friend with MHs is what has made our HM worth while.
Best money we have ever wasted.
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Old 06-11-2019, 07:25 AM   #133
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Hi scenic 8406,
Been there done that. Several times. The ladies I have known are, for the most part, unable to explain why they feel the way they feel. After subtle questioning it usually boils down to they don't want to leave their house. Combine this with the kids (grown adults who have families) being nearby and it is a combination that can not be overcome. She needs feel needed by her adult children and college age grandchildren. The needs of a spouse come farther down the pecking order.
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Old 06-11-2019, 09:22 AM   #134
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The bottom line

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Originally Posted by GaryKD View Post
Hi scenic 8406,
Been there done that. Several times. The ladies I have known are, for the most part, unable to explain why they feel the way they feel. After subtle questioning it usually boils down to they don't want to leave their house. Combine this with the kids (grown adults who have families) being nearby and it is a combination that can not be overcome. She needs feel needed by her adult children and college age grandchildren. The needs of a spouse come farther down the pecking order.
10 pages before we get to the crux of the problem but with one correction. "The needs of the spouse are farther down HER pecking order". Do not try to make her happy in the RV. Just go alone.
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Old 06-11-2019, 10:05 AM   #135
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Why doesnít she want to go?

Thereís been 128 responses since the OPís last post. Several have asked if he asked his wife why she doesnít want to go, and he hasnít responded. I find that frustrating.

https://youtu.be/V2f-MZ2HRHQ
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Old 06-11-2019, 10:20 AM   #136
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Originally Posted by bbrewer841 View Post
Wow! reading all the perspectives from this long thread has been an eye opener for the myriad of situations "out there." My condolences and cyber hugs to those of you who've lost a spouse. That is my worst nightmare. I'm taking your loss as a message to live each day.
I am a wife and have often heard the phrase happy wife, happy life, but learned on this thread of happy spouse, happy house. I like it!

Hubby had the RV life in mind for our retirement. He retired 5 years before I was eligible to retire. During that time we did as others here have mentioned..he drove RV to a destination and I joined him via an airline flight. Shipped my dirty laundry home via UPS.

Something that I could add to this thread that has not been mentioned is how we do our life now that we are BOTH retired. One year ( starting January 1) hubby plans everything we do. The NEXT year is my turn to plan everything we do. That includes reservations and scheduling. We do have a power of veto however but have only used it for health issues! Our friends know of our arrangement and often ask "Whose year is it to plan?" Hubby says he only has to wait one year to do do what he really wants.. That said he has dragged me to some god forsaken places that turned out to be among my top 10 ever places to visit. FLEXIBILITY seems to be key to happy RVing. Stuff happens! Life is a compromise and I'm happy to make the compromises to keep this companionship and feel blessed to enjoy the RV lifestyle! 20 years RVing and still loving all aspects ( except short showers if boon docking)


Thatís an interesting approach, we do a similar thing but within the same year, he has places he wants to go and I have places I want to go and we plan the trip around it. For example, Iím a golfer, DH isnít. Weíre starting this year at the US Open at Pebble Beach, in August weíll be going Jeepin in Colorado as that is his passion. Visits and destinations in between with the grandkids, wrapping up with R&R at the beach. Weíll play golf and go wine tasting throughout for me and hit every craft brewpub and find fun places to take his Jeep for him. We always seem to enjoy each otherís activities.

We bought the RV for the dog and to be able to visit our kids and grandkids. The dog is gone now , but we still use it to visit the kids. The summer travel is the bonus.

Off topic, sorry
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Old 06-11-2019, 11:30 AM   #137
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Out of the hundreds of activities there are to pick from, I'm sure there are dozens of activities that you and your wife have in common. If none of these activities can be integrated into RVing, I'd say, Sell it and focus on activities you both can enjoy.

The harsh reality is that life is too short to be swimming upstream. I loved playing music in my old band but my wife hated every aspect of it. I gave up the band thing and now we travel around in a RV with our fur babies. When not doing that, we get the boat out for a little water skiing. We are both happy!

Go with the flow and be happy.
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Old 06-11-2019, 05:45 PM   #138
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10 pages before we get to the crux of the problem but with one correction. "The needs of the spouse are farther down HER pecking order". Do not try to make her happy in the RV. Just go alone.
There are tens of thousands of full-time RVers out there. In our large circle the wives are happy. For us, the wife was the one to suggest taking off. So not everyone is as you say!

Yes, there are women.... and men.... who can't leave family. That's o.k. if that's what they want. However, you can still have an excellent family relationship while traveling.

When we began our grandkids were small. We didn't have computers or cell phones. We kept in touch by actually 'talking' to them from a phone booth, writing letters/postcards, sending small trinkets of our travels, etc. We were there for all of their school milestones, including the first day of school and 'grandparents day'. We witnessed many soccer games and tournaments. Sometimes we'd get a cheap ticket & fly back; sometimes only one of us at a time & the other stayed with the RV. Sometimes they visited us when we were in special places. The kids grew up with us full-timing.

When we stopped and they were now out of school they were actually sad because it was a good part of their life, also. They have great memories and talk about 'camping' with us often.

Don't lay the guilt trip on all women. Many are very agreeable to travel and camping. Perhaps the men should find out why some women really don't want to be in a small space with their partner for days on end. Perhaps the men have issues, also.
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Old 06-13-2019, 08:15 AM   #139
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One week won't really give us time to explore Oregon, Washington, etc.

I thought about going alone and volunteering at a State Park..

Great idea on planning around HER interests..

You guys and gals are great!!
Certainly hope it all works out for you in the long run rver98


Well.
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Old 06-15-2019, 09:53 AM   #140
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Have you sat down with your wife, when neither of you is angry, and just asked her what she does not like about RVing? Try to address her concerns and see if you can make a compromise. We spend 3 months in Florida each year. Several of the wives of other RVers will fly home for a time (one week to one month) then return. This breaks up the trip for them, allows then to see and help with grandkids, etc. Yes the airfare is an expense, but it allows the hubby to spend his time in sunny Florida.
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