Atlanta, the real story

[Wizard]

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.
Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
It generally takes about an Hour, to an Hour and a Half to get to Atlanta, from Atlanta.
There is no real Rapid-Transit or Mass-Transit system in Atlanta. There’s something called MARTA (Metro Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority) that doesn’t cover all of Metro Atlanta, and that’s neither “Rapid” nor “Mass”. It’s more of an “Afterthought-last-chance-of-getting-someplace-Transit”
Carpooling rarely happens.
Atlantans love their cars as much as their privacy. There are High Occupancy Vehicle lanes that had to be converted to toll lanes because there weren’t enough 2 or more passenger cars to make it worthwhile. People have been ticketed for having blow up toys in the passenger seat and dolls in car seats just to try and fake carpooling.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." except for Cobb County, where all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken" (Including GPS directions).
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Or any of the 30+ additional streets that have Peachtree in their names.
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down
Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink here so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke. EXCEPT Atlantans never say “Co-ca Co-la”, nor “At-lan-ta”. You drink a “Cocola in Atlanna “
The gates at Atlanta 's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.
The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:30 pm.
All remaining hours are the lunch rush hour.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 a.m. Saturday.
Red Lights and Stop Signs in Atlanta aren't treated as LAW. They're more like suggestions. If the Light has been red for a while, you probably should stop, but if it's only about to turn red, speed up - You Can Make It! And a STOP sign is treated as a "Slow-down-just-enough-to-make-sure-there's-not-a-cop" Sign.
Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh LEE-awn."
And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."
The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, has a posted speed limit of 55-65 mph but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over and is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
And 285 has wonderful directional signs that advise towns like “Augusta, Greenville, Chattanooga, Birmingham, Montgomery, and Macon” depending which part of the Circle of Hell you are trying to enter. BUT, 285 does NOT take you to any of those cities. It merely points you in a general direction that might lead you there eventually on other highways. 285 won’t even take you to Atlanta.
Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop ." If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.
Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy, and your AR-15 has a full magazine.
Possums and armadillos are flat animals that sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia .
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia.
If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.
If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu.
It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store) - also can be pronounced "Fixinta".
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.

[Agesilaus]

I agree with one thing in the above, the irritating proliferation of Peachtree streets, etc.


The rest seems silly and unhinged. Where are you from anyway, NYC or Frisco? I don't live in Atlanta but I have visited the place on occasion and had no problems navigating the place. The one way streets aren't any worse than others places we have been in,

[yogus]

My pants are wet from laughing....

That is the funniest write up of HotLanta I have ever seen!

Every sentence is true!

Just saw a mattress on I-85 south yesterday and wondered if the owner was going back to get it though it was raining all day...

[znt1186]

Having two sons living in the Atlanta Metro area (Marietta and Decatur) we travel to Atlanta every few weeks. We also drive through with the rv on occasion. LMAO at your descriptions, and a lot of it rings true. We travel different routes from WNC to Atlanta depending on where we are going. Atlanta is a big city with all of the problems that go with it including a LOT of traffic. It also has a lot of world class things to offer. Just takes 45 minutes to an hour to get to them from anywhere near Atlanta. Takes my sons 45 minutes minimum to get to see each other. It is what it is. Just gotta pull up the big boy pants and roll with it. We don't like the traffic issues, but the more we go there, the more we appreciate it. Just like folks like NYC and SFO or anywhere else. I don't go two hours out of my way to try to avoid Atlanta.

[Luv2go]

LMAO! DW's folks used to live in Dunwoody, we'd visit quite often, everything the OP said is true!

[rk911]

well, very well done, sir!!

[kenandterry]

After reading that......I no longer have to visit Atlanta.
I feel like I’ve completely experienced everything there is.

Like they say....


Bin dare, done dat!

[johnhicks]

A few years ago I was on the north side of Atlanta and needed to go to W. W. Williams on the southeast side of Atlanta. I went to W. W. Williams in _Montgomery_ to avoid that.

Probably faster too.

[dix39]

Originally Posted by znt1186

Having two sons living in the Atlanta Metro area (Marietta and Decatur) we travel to Atlanta every few weeks. We also drive through with the rv on occasion. LMAO at your descriptions, and a lot of it rings true. We travel different routes from WNC to Atlanta depending on where we are going. Atlanta is a big city with all of the problems that go with it including a LOT of traffic. It also has a lot of world class things to offer. Just takes 45 minutes to an hour to get to them from anywhere near Atlanta. Takes my sons 45 minutes minimum to get to see each other. It is what it is. Just gotta pull up the big boy pants and roll with it. We don't like the traffic issues, but the more we go there, the more we appreciate it. Just like folks like NYC and SFO or anywhere else. I don't go two hours out of my way to try to avoid Atlanta.

Same here, although we don't have any family there we did have some very good friends in Suwanee that we visited several times while they lived there. We also drive through there on 20 nearly every year on our way from visiting a Navy friend in SC to see my sister's family in AL.

One year while visiting our friends in Suwanee we stayed several days at Sawnee campground on Lake Lanier, a very pleasant experience.

Steve

[millermotto]

You nailed it! I have lived here for 20yrs and while you left off a couple things you got most of them. Too funny!

[4ina4x4]

Wizard, you had me by the end of your first sentence. I applaud both your sense of humor and your creative writing skills. If you ever start a travel blog, please let us know. I'd be one of the first to follow it.

Thanks for starting my day with a smile!

Mary

[lenny-shawna]

Originally Posted by Wizard

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.
Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
It generally takes about an Hour, to an Hour and a Half to get to Atlanta, from Atlanta.
There is no real Rapid-Transit or Mass-Transit system in Atlanta. There’s something called MARTA (Metro Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority) that doesn’t cover all of Metro Atlanta, and that’s neither “Rapid” nor “Mass”. It’s more of an “Afterthought-last-chance-of-getting-someplace-Transit”
Carpooling rarely happens.
Atlantans love their cars as much as their privacy. There are High Occupancy Vehicle lanes that had to be converted to toll lanes because there weren’t enough 2 or more passenger cars to make it worthwhile. People have been ticketed for having blow up toys in the passenger seat and dolls in car seats just to try and fake carpooling.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." except for Cobb County, where all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken" (Including GPS directions).
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Or any of the 30+ additional streets that have Peachtree in their names.
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down
Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink here so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke. EXCEPT Atlantans never say “Co-ca Co-la”, nor “At-lan-ta”. You drink a “Cocola in Atlanna “
The gates at Atlanta 's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.
The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:30 pm.
All remaining hours are the lunch rush hour.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 a.m. Saturday.
Red Lights and Stop Signs in Atlanta aren't treated as LAW. They're more like suggestions. If the Light has been red for a while, you probably should stop, but if it's only about to turn red, speed up - You Can Make It! And a STOP sign is treated as a "Slow-down-just-enough-to-make-sure-there's-not-a-cop" Sign.
Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh LEE-awn."
And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."
The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, has a posted speed limit of 55-65 mph but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over and is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
And 285 has wonderful directional signs that advise towns like “Augusta, Greenville, Chattanooga, Birmingham, Montgomery, and Macon” depending which part of the Circle of Hell you are trying to enter. BUT, 285 does NOT take you to any of those cities. It merely points you in a general direction that might lead you there eventually on other highways. 285 won’t even take you to Atlanta.
Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop ." If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.
Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy, and your AR-15 has a full magazine.
Possums and armadillos are flat animals that sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia .
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia.
If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.
If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu.
It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store) - also can be pronounced "Fixinta".
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.

Thanks for the laugh. Lots of time in Marietta and Atlanta. Some people can’t take a joke

[Wizard]

I have to admit that I didn't write it, stole it off facebook. I do live near Atlanta, Milledgeville, and have traveled to Atlanta extensively. I have some family and good friends in Atlanta, but I don't hold it against them.

[4ina4x4]

You may not have written it, but you still get credit for sharing it. Thanks for the laugh!

Mary