Community Forums

TexasJeff · 02-19-2023, 09:37 AM

Know why you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.

TexasJeff · 02-19-2023, 09:43 AM

Today's headline news (I'm not kidding):

Uranus is hiding secrets and astronomers really want to crack the case
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/techn...092b5b1a157950

Rhody_Chris · 02-19-2023, 10:35 AM

What does the starship Enterprise have in common with a roll of toilet paper?

Parafango · 02-19-2023, 12:54 PM

I stopped by the bathroom at Walmart the other day, and really had to go.

It turns out they were using a brand of toilet paper sponsored by Chuck Norris.

It doesn't take crap off nobody..

Parafango · 02-19-2023, 02:59 PM

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing a--backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some a-hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatic.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push ups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off
old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

allenb12 · 02-19-2023, 03:59 PM

My brother in-law works in the garage door business.
I asked him how it is. He said it has its ups and downs.

TexasJeff · 02-20-2023, 09:09 AM

I was reading this book today, 'The History Of Glue.' I couldn't put it down.

Parafango · 02-20-2023, 09:28 AM

YIKES! Now we have the "revenge of Tik Tok Dad jokes" !

bokobird · 02-20-2023, 10:13 AM

The whole thread has degenerated into nothing but plagiarism. I liked it better when the NNDG's were around

Gordon Dewald · 02-20-2023, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bokobird

The whole thread has degenerated into nothing but plagiarism. I liked it better when the NNDG's were around

And the most controversial topic was how much bacon you could put in the chocolate chip bacon cookies before they became bacon chocolate chip cookies.

allenb12 · 02-20-2023, 03:52 PM

When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

PappaBull · 02-21-2023, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gordon Dewald

And the most controversial topic was how much bacon you could put in the chocolate chip bacon cookies before they became bacon chocolate chip cookies.

equal amounts of bacon and chocolate chips. real question is how much dough, more bacon equals less dough