Community Forums

Unplanned Tourist · 11-12-2020, 08:39 AM

After you tell him that you can't have him stay with you, tell him to put a condition of sale on his current house. That could be he will stay there until he buys another place to live in.

530ktm · 11-12-2020, 09:10 AM

Heated hoses, light bulbs, furnaces and other things may work but the only solution in my opinion is to tell him to forget the entire offer and get a place for him and his unruly animals and live his life the way he thinks things should be. He sounds like an unappreciative person that is undoubtedly going to make your life miserable for you and your husband. And once he is in, good luck getting him out. Right now is the time to make a stand and tell him it just isn't going to work out and get another place, he can afford it. If that makes him upset now, just think how upset everyone will be after his dogs destroy your house, he becomes dependent on you catering to him and your husband is ready to leave instead of him.

Take the advice most have given you on this topic, forget it. Good luck.

Bobby F · 11-12-2020, 09:49 AM

Put away your breakable stuff, get the RV ready, tell him he can stay in your house for exactly 45 days (and no more), and head off in the RV to the Southwest for that time.

No fighting that way. You might have a dirty home to return to, but you won't get sick.

Tim-n-Gina · 11-12-2020, 10:27 AM

I have to concur with everyone who have opined "stop the madness now before it starts" .
If you tell him "sorry I made a rash decision in offering you a place to stay" and rescind that offer, there may be hard feelings and disappointment. But you will still have your brother, your house, your RV and your husband.
If you allow a narcissistic person to have power over you and move into your house, things will end very badly and you will lose your brother or your husband or both as well as have serious financial consequences cleaning up the mess.

Tim

Rdquest · 11-12-2020, 10:28 AM

Thanks everybody. I know this is going to be a tough problem to resolve. I'm a very introverted person who tends to let people take advantage. Usually I just run away from a situation. But now the problem is coming to my home and I can't run away. And it's a family member. My brother has never been a dog person. He adopted these dogs trying to impress a woman. He has never really paid much attention to them and has hinted for me to take them. I told him a few months ago I could not handle any more animals. I have 2 dogs and 3 horses that I'm responsible for. I believe I can keep water to the RV thawed with heated hose or heat tape. But if the interior gets cold the pipes will freeze in there. My brother is a world traveler and leaves for a couple weeks at a time. For the past year he has been boarding the dogs when he travels but the cost has-been huge. I think he intends for me to be his kennel and he won't be in a hurry to leave here. I've never confronted him about anything before. I wish it was springtime and I wouldn't have to worry about frozen pipes.

Unclepaul · 11-12-2020, 11:17 AM

Time for you to become a narcissist as well. Simply tell him that you are uncomfortable with him staying at your place in a time of Covid. He will probably belittle you and give you all the reasons it is OK, but stand firm and say he needs to make his own housing plans.

There is no way to make your 3 season RV habitable for him in sub freezing weather. You will loose sleep every night the temps drop below freezing.

He has made his problem your problem...unfair.

Gotta stand up for yourself. His imposition is too heavy.

Rdquest · 11-12-2020, 01:17 PM

I'm a handshake kind of person. Hard for me to take back a commitment. I've decided to heat the exterior water hose and make him be responsible for the inside pipes staying unfroze. If he breaks it he can fix it. He's a retired mechanical engineer. I've been reading up on heated water hoses and heat tape. Hoses are more convenient but seem to have a failure rate of leaking. I saw some heat tape that was laid flat along a pvc pipe, taped around in places and then wrapped with fiberglass insulation. If I buy a heavy duty hosepipe and put the tape and insulation on it, it seems that would be more durable than a lighter weight hosepipe preassembled a with heat tape enclosed within the vinyl cover of the hose. I assume that the heated hoses use the same heat tape only you can't see it because it's enclosed. Any opinions from someone who has experience with both?? Also, anyone using electric space heaters inside do you run them 24/7? Since we only have a 15 amp plug he will have only 1800 watts available. He'll have to learn how to track wattage usage going at one time. I don't know if our furnace even works. We've never tried it. The heated hose will be plugged up on our outside GFCI plug. The RV will be plugged up on our detached shop plug.

CIDE · 11-12-2020, 01:50 PM

Another vote for don't let him in your life, you're not his or his dogs' babysitter. My BIL is a narcissist and the only way to deal with those people is to keep them out of your life. He will overpower and bully you, using your gentle nature against you. Better to stop it before it starts even if it means backing out of your handshake (and he knows it). I was a nice guy with no boundaries but now I'm not.

Good luck.

laj · 11-12-2020, 04:33 PM

Tell him its over and his life is his problem.
He says anything other than i understand, just tell him suck it up buttercup.

Kenny Loney · 11-12-2020, 06:35 PM

I see lots of suggestions about keeping the fresh water from freezing, that should not be a problem. 'Mr Lars' asked about the black and gray tanks. That is just as big a question. On most c-class units the black and gray tanks are exposed underneath the RV. Do you have a dump station beside the RV? Even if you have heating pads on the tanks, still probably not enough to with stand winter chilling winds.
You said that the RV only has access to a 15amp electrical service. One space heater will probably use that, now what about the heated hose, rv converter charging batteries, and anything else that he may use in the RV. You said that you are not even sure it works. Definitely won't work without propane and that could be 20lbs every 3 days or so depending on how cold.
Just tell him that the RV will NOT work in the winter, they are not built for winters. human comfort and freezing weather. Don't even mention how much damage the dogs could do.
If he stays in your house, let him know that he must follow your rules and especially any Covid-19 rules or suggestions, visitors etc. Some areas up here ON, it's not just a suggestion, don't even invite your neighbour in. Household members ONLY.
The dogs. It doesnot sound like they a real family pets for him. I really don't like suggesting this, (I believe that a pet, cat, dog, gerbil or any is a family member PET FOR LIFE). Find good homes for them.

Ken

twogypsies · 11-12-2020, 09:14 PM

It sounds like you're going to let him and the dogs stay in your RV. You're making a big mistake.

**TonyDi** · 11-12-2020, 09:27 PM

I think the idea of him staying in the RV with dogs is a bad idea, a very bad idea. You realize that him staying at you home is potentially dangerous to your family. I would give him a date where he has to find a place to stay. If he's going to continuing to socialize that time period should be sooner than latter.

grindstone01 · 11-12-2020, 09:27 PM

For the OP, when your brother moves out, can I move in with my soon to adopt 6 BIG dogs? It sounds like it would be a good deal for ME and I know you can't/won't say NO! Address please.

rarebear.nm · 11-12-2020, 09:59 PM

If you can't/won't tell him to go elsewhere then tell him you're putting your RV into off-site storage at his expense and rent a true four season RV also at his expense and he is responsible for all damages. He does not come into your house- period.

It's not just about him having friends over, he'll go to his friends house and then return being potentially infected. He stays away from you at all times.

These are tough times and will likely be getting much worse before getting better. If you are serious about Covid guidelines then be serious and in-force them at home. It is your domain not his.