Community Forums

Raining Star · 04-03-2015, 05:30 AM

As everyone is probably aware more kids are being raised by their grandparents than ever before. I met a couple who said they were raising their grandkids, actually had custody, and we're still full time RV'ing. The kids were being home schooled and seemed perfectly content.

I thought this was pretty unusual, yet as I thought about it can't be all that uncommon considering how many folks are raising their grandkids. Just wondering if anyone on this forum is full timing with their grandkids.

SkiSmuggs · 04-03-2015, 09:00 AM

The good news is that we often make better parents than parents do because we have already made our mistakes and learned from them, we have more patience now, we realize just how precious they are and we don't have to raise them while trying to earn a living at the same time. The down side is that it will be hard for them to have lasting relationships with other kids as you move around the country.

oakcreekeric · 04-03-2015, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkiSmuggs

The good news is that we often make better parents than parents do because we have already made our mistakes and learned from them, we have more patience now, we realize just how precious they are and we don't have to raise them while trying to earn a living at the same time. The down side is that it will be hard for them to have lasting relationships with other kids as you move around the country.

I disagree with this.. and this is a trend I am finding very disturbing..

I understand there are some instances where a grandparent will need to step up to the plate and shoulder the burden of raising their grandchildren.. but I am finding that is not the usual situation..

I've read on this topic frequently that grandparents are watching/raising grandkids at, what I think, an alarming rate..

As a parent, I completely understand the desire to make things better, easier etc on my kids.. but at some point.. this is becoming a detriment to that generation.. at what point are these kids going to actually grow up and take charge of their lives? I love my kids dearly.. and I love my free time just as dearly.. I want them to go out and live independent lives.. I want them to be responsible contributing members of society... I try VERY hard to let them deal with the consequences of their decisions/actions... and yes.. thankfully, to this point, non have been severe.. but I have a long way to go... I shield them.. protect them.. pick up after them.. and I get angry.. for two reasons.. the 1st.. because I stepped in when I should have let it be a "teaching moment".. 2nd.. because I know we are now in a society where a simple bad decision can haunt them for the rest of their lives... and that's not fair to current generations.. its been often said.. THANK GOD we didn't grow up in world with smartphones.. camera's everywhere.. twitter, instagram.. facebook.. and all the rest.. In most of our generation.. it took a serious mistake to stick to us.. the days of police officers bring a kid back to their parent was commonplace.. usually because the punishment at home was far more severe than anything else.. I feared my parents.. loved them.. appreciated them.. but feared the hell out of them.. mostly because I didn't want to disappoint them..

Sadly.. the lines of parenthood have blurred.. too many parents are their kids BFF.. not their parent.. too often I hear "my kid would never do that".. heck, they'd even say it after watching video proof of their kid in the act..

When did this happen.. when did it be ok to cross the line of parenthood and friendship.. have we as a society become so guilt ridden, that we cannot have a commanding relationship with our children.. I face this challenge all the time.. I am divorced.. mostly because we have differing parental styles.. my EX wants to be the kids best friend.. I want to be their parent.. I am not my kids best buddy.. I'm their father, and that should come with a certain level of respect.. not because I earn it.. its just the way it is.. why is that so hard for parents to impress that upon their kids.. why is having an authoritative relationship with your children so hard for some.. and no.. I'm not talking about an abusive relationship.. that's a whole 'nother thread..

Sorry for going off the deep end on this.. I just don't get it.. and maybe I will once I have grandkids.. I just know I DO NOT want to take on the responsibility of raising anymore kids.. by then, I hope to have done my job well enough that my kids will raise their own.. and yes, daycare is expensive.. and yes.. juggling all of life's "ups & downs" is hard too.. but we did it.. why can't we expect that of our children??

twogypsies · 04-03-2015, 12:15 PM

Oakcreekeric: Loved your post! I agree with it also in a lot of ways. However, sometimes it's necessary to give the kids a better life and a safer life. Not taking them in would be hurting the kids and many of us can't see doing that. The main problem is some supposedly 'adult' kids not being responsible. We see more and more of that nowadays and it is sad because their children will not be able to get away from that cycle. None of us know what we would do in a serious situation. There's no easy answer.

Regarding full-timing with kids: We've met many in our full-timing travels but not any grandparents doing it. The kids seem very well-adjusted. They are very mature and relate well to adults, have good manners and naturally, know a lot of information as they study different areas along the way. This is a salute to the excellent home teachers.

89sandman · 04-03-2015, 01:05 PM

Eric, I respectfully say that until you are a grandparent you should be less quick to judge others. You speak of something you have no experience of or about. There are many reasons why grandparents raise their grandkids, and most of them are not because some parents would rather be their children's friends instead of their parents.

My son at the age of 15 got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant. Neither were ready to have a baby of course. After all the preaching and discussion with both of them on why this should have never happened, and this went on for quite some time, things could not be changed. Both had been raised to know better but after all was said and done there was still a child that was going to need a home. After the baby was born his mother and our son tried to take care of him, but being so young this did not work out. So the choice was to put the baby up for adoption or us taking him as her parents wanted him put up for adoption when he was born. My wife and I could not let the baby go so we decided to raise him until his parents are old enough to. There has not been one second that I have regretted this decision. Life is not always perfect, when things go astray is the time when you must decide if you are willing to step up to the plate.

Skismuggs was dead on, although I do not agree that grandparents make better parents, just different parents. It is easier to parent when you are more financially secure and at a older more mature state of your life. When you are younger you are still leading your own life, not as easy to make the sacrifices a child requires. Not saying that this is impossible to do when you are younger, as this is the way it should be done, but those sacrifices are much easier to make when you are older. Also having the experience of already having raised children before is a great advantage. My hat is off to all the grandparents who are willing to give up their time and quiet years to love and care for their grandchildren no matter the reason. You should all be very proud of yourselves for making a decision that not all are willing to make.

All that being said i could not imagine full timing in a rv with small children!!! That would take a amount of patience that i do not nor could imagine ever having. Imo it would be better for the children to be raised in one place. That is however just my opinion, there are many different ways to raise children and who is to say that one way is better than another? As long as the children are loved and well cared for it is a much better life than they may have had...

oakcreekeric · 04-03-2015, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oakcreekeric

I disagree with this.. and this is a trend I am finding very disturbing..

I understand there are some instances where a grandparent will need to step up to the plate and shoulder the burden of raising their grandchildren.. but I am finding that is not the usual situation..

89sandman,

I mentioned in my first paragraph, there are situations where a grandparent will need to step and take over.. I know there are times a bell cannot be un-rung.. I wasn't talking about those situations..

I have all the respect in the world for the decision you and your wife made.. I think that is OUTSTANDING of you to take on the responsibility.. I equally respect your statement of;

"My wife and I could not let the baby go so we decided to raise him until his parents are old enough to."

I'm speaking of the the situations where, I feel, kids are taking advantage of their parents.. and parents let them.. the one's where they get sucked into being a daycare center.. again, don't get me wrong.. there are probably lots of grandparents who love doing it.. but there are likely many that didn't have that on their bucket list.. Daycare is expensive.. at one point, I had all three of mine in and was paying $1800 a month.. I would have loved to have my folks watch the kids and save me a boat load of money.. but I chose to have kids, I had to suck-it-up and pay the piper.. I would love to have all that money back.. but I would have never asked to rob my parents of their retirement time.. Sadly, many kids in today's "ME" generation have no qualms with asking their parents to "babysit" and don't even consider what that means.. and I know of few grandparents that will say no..

Again.. no disrespect to you and your decision.. I think its a good thing you did.. but far different than most..

Gordon Dewald · 04-03-2015, 02:36 PM

I can see Oakcreekeric's point.

It is when it goes from being offered to expected the pendulum has gone too far.

The "I sure would be nice" statements that puts unreasonable pressure on the grandparents to 'do the right thing' because day care is so expensive and they just cannot make ends meet.

Gordon Dewald · 04-03-2015, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkiSmuggs

The good news is that we often make better parents than parents do because we have already made our mistakes and learned from them, we have more patience now, we realize just how precious they are and we don't have to raise them while trying to earn a living at the same time. The down side is that it will be hard for them to have lasting relationships with other kids as you move around the country.

For sure we will not make all of the old ones we did. Unfortunately times are not like they used to be so we will be making a whole lot of new mistakes.

Raining Star · 04-03-2015, 03:57 PM

Hmm. As the guy who asked the question I'm surprised hardly anyone has talked about full time RV'ing with the grandkids.

I didn't intend to start a social/political debate on the state of 21st Century parenting. There's a million reasons for grandparents to be raising their grandkids, not all of them heralding the doom of society as we know it.

Can we get back to the topic that I asked about, please?

timetogo · 04-03-2015, 05:51 PM

I'm always amazed at the great grand parents taking care kids. I feel for them all.

Gordon Dewald · 04-03-2015, 06:04 PM

This is the third thread that deals with grandparents raising children that I am aware of. I am also aware of a couple other posts referring to raising grand children.

I have several friends who raised grand children and in one case from more than one child. Friends did it in S&B.

http://www.irv2.com/forums/f64/hello...ml#post2494823

http://www.irv2.com/forums/f64/grand...ml#post2495196

I can only imagine the effort required. While raising kids in a S&B must be difficult, doing it on the road will throw in the extra responsibility of home schooling.

twogypsies · 04-03-2015, 09:27 PM

Here's a good web site that might answer some of your questions:

FOTR - RVing with Children

Raining Star · 04-04-2015, 03:37 AM

Thanks for the answers and links.

Bamaman · 04-04-2015, 05:32 AM

There have certainly been some long replies on this issue.

As someone with a home schooled daughter, I can say that home schooling is not recommended unless a child is especially gifted and the local schools are not capable of educating such a child. In our case, our daughter has ADHD and she's BiPolar and she was incapable of performing in a normal school environment. Unfortunately, her home school program was not accredited, and higher education didn't accept her credentials without a GED.

And we understand how many grandparents can provide a better life, but young kids need a permanent home and a permanent school. It's bad enough to be jerked around in life, however they need more structure in society than grandparents can provide living the gypsy life of an RV'er.