Community Forums

cwsqbm · 01-31-2016, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charles tuit

Before you do anything I would advise you to see a lawyer.

Good luck

+1. Abusive husbands often make women feel they can't leave by controlling the money. A lawyer will make sure you get your fair share, including child support and generally the family home.

Melmoses · 01-31-2016, 05:23 PM

As much as I would like to say it would work for you, I don't think it would. Unless you have access to monthly funds in a good amount it definitely won't work. Motorhomes are expensive to maintain. It isn't just the gas and insurance. It is the need to fix things that break. RV techs and repair shops aren't cheap. Things will break that's a fact. Then there's tires. Those really are expensive and you must have good tires, the family depends on them.

Then there's health insurance to consider. Food, dental care and clothing. Personally I think you need to get a lawyer and a divorce. Hopefully you would get alimony and maybe child support if the kids are his. As much as you want to get them away you need to do it right. It would do more harm in the long run if things fell apart because you didn't have the funds to sustain yourself.

Smitty77 · 01-31-2016, 11:19 PM

My best thoughts are headed yours, and your families, way.

As mentioned by others. Priority should be on taking care of your kids, his autistic son, and yourself - FIRST! If you are not already seeking help, most towns and cities have organizations that can assist you. (Suspect you know this, as you are thinking far enough ahead on how and where to support your children. As well as looking out for your stepson too...) I am not an expert, and only have my experiences with friends who have gone thru tough situations. Please, do not 'stick it out' until May. Take sometime next week, and figure out where you will go for help and counseling. Do ask them about 'the finance side of things' as yes it is important. But first, start a relationship someplace and get someone in you camp to help you as you make these steps forward. Lawyers should be a part of this, but they could also cause immediate reactionary problems with your husband, that could impact your kids, stepson, or yourself. So do have the emotional and moral support part worked out ahead of time before anyone approaches your husband.

Counseling for you both? Maybe, but only after you are positive you and all of the children are safe...

I would at first, use the help of an agency or church to find safe shelter, before even starting to look down the road as to where you will be in the future.

Baby steps, but safe for all of you first.

I'm off my soap opera... And last of all, welcome to the forum. If an RV turns out to be the best option, this is a good forum to keep learning from and asking for advice form

!

Best to you all,
Smitty

adamfolger · 02-01-2016, 01:26 AM

Please tell us where you live so we can come knock on you door and explain what it means to be a real MAN....

My wife and I are fulltime RVers and working as night managers at an upscale Rv and golf resort. We receive free space and utilities as compensation but no pay, which is typical. However "some" parks do pay a small salary and space, Google work camping jobs. Avoid internet sites that charge a fee for a list of jobs. As an rv newby there are a ton of things you need to know before moving forward. All that info is here on this forum. We are hesitant to give you financial advice because there are many variants. If you would care to expound on you planed financial income we will be better able to give advice. ...A $15,000 1999 Bounder while an adequate fulltime rv , may not be ok in extreme heat or cold. The age of the motorhome means it will eventually need repair and must be planed for. I would suspect it will need repairs and new tires the day you buy it. OR do you already own it? Your plan may sound adventurous now but will be something else broke down beside the road. I am not trying to discourage you but you have a lot to think about and discuss with us before taking off on the road trip....The knowledge is here but we need more specific information and questions. And go see a lawyer! I wish you well and pray for a better future for you and the kids. I suspect this will become a very long thread.

Hidalgo · 02-01-2016, 06:14 AM

A couple of thoughts from a person who has experienced a bit of marital discord.

Do not run from the problem by making rash and immediate decisions. Your emotions will overrule your intelligence. Make calculated, timed, and thoughtful moves. Take your emotions out of the scenario before you make a BIG mistake ... or several of them.

Call an attorney. Now. Make an appointment and seek real advice. Odds are that you can continue to live in the house you currently occupy and your spouse will be removed from the dwelling. Most states and courts side with the wife in these situations initially and most judges show no compassion for a husband who is acting as you say. Especially when children are involved.

I would strongly suggest that you make HIM relocate instead of uprooting the children and running. He's the person (according to your statements) who is acting inappropriately and he should be the one to go.

As difficult and incorrect as it may sound, take your time and move cautiously. Anything you do today may haunt you tomorrow.

TonyDi · 02-11-2016, 08:41 PM

That is a terrible situation to be in. I feel sorry for your children, they should never have to be subjected to any form of abuse. You have gotten some good responses so far. You often can find work at camp grounds in exchange for free site or at least reduced rates. If you are staying for a long time you will most likely pay your own elec. bill.

Good luck, God bless you, and Happy Trails!!!

stan5711 · 02-11-2016, 09:04 PM

I just don't think you could up and buy a MH and it would be alright with him,and there sure no way your going to keep him from finding out.You buy it while still married,it's as much his as yours.You cant run from him,he'll just follow you.Get you and the kids some real help.

luckyd · 02-11-2016, 09:14 PM

Personally, I do not feel that domestic problems belong on an RV forum.
We are seeing one side only. Flip the pancake.

Questions re cost, etc, are a welcome issue.

mfire1339 · 02-11-2016, 09:18 PM

I second!

F4Gary · 02-11-2016, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melmoses

As much as I would like to say it would work for you, I don't think it would. Unless you have access to monthly funds in a good amount it definitely won't work. Motorhomes are expensive to maintain. It isn't just the gas and insurance. It is the need to fix things that break. RV techs and repair shops aren't cheap. Things will break that's a fact. Then there's tires. Those really are expensive and you must have good tires, the family depends on them.

Then there's health insurance to consider. Food, dental care and clothing. Personally I think you need to get a lawyer and a divorce. Hopefully you would get alimony and maybe child support if the kids are his. As much as you want to get them away you need to do it right. It would do more harm in the long run if things fell apart because you didn't have the funds to sustain yourself.

This. Running off in an old motorhome is not as simple as it sounds. See a lawyer and get him out of the house instead of you and the kids.

Notlad · 02-17-2016, 08:11 PM

Praying for your situation and agree that your first stop should be to visit a lawyer for advice. I also noted you asked about insurance for a 1999 Bounder. That is a almost 20 year old motorhome and typically ones that old have a lot of things that need to be fixed or upgraded on them and are subject at any time to needing a major repair to the engine, transmission, electrical system, etc. If you are not a experienced handyman...er...handywomen good at all kinds of repairs traveling and living in a 17 year old motorhome could get very expensive very fast.

I am not trying to discourage you but just suggesting you do a lot of research and take everything into account.

Good luck and God bless. Now go see that attorney!

tiff098765 · 02-20-2016, 11:17 AM

I appreciate your prayers!

CodeMonkey · 02-20-2016, 12:20 PM

I like your plan- in theory.

While I agree with several posters about making sure your plan will survive legal challenges (financial, custody/legal decision making, parenting time), I wouldn't necessary run out and put a lawyer on retainer. While legal representation in divorce and custody cases is most often a necessity, it is extremely expensive and will completely undermine your plan unless you make it a priority not to let it. Every time a lawyer has to represent you at a hearing you are looking at $2k-$4k in fees just for that one hearing/issue.

If I were representing your husband in this case I would first go after your money- did you stash it away while were together? Does your ex have any rights or potential challenges to the funds you are now living off of?

Then I would go after you ability to leave the city/state. I would paint a picture for the Court that you bought the RV with the specific plan to kidnap the children and flee and then request temporary orders either requesting sole custody and parenting time or limiting your ability to leave the state. From there, I would challenge you as a mother and the safety and well being of the children living in a RV like gypsies.

If I were you, I would first start a blog. Write about your challenges, your plan, your struggles, your thoughts, your dream for the kids post separation, any thing else having to do with your situation. This will serve three purposes- (1) to document everything about your situation and plans (this will be invaluable when you do end up in court), (2) to vet your ideas/plan with others who might have been through something similar, and (3) to eventually provide you with some income.

#1 and #2 should be self explanatory. #3 you should do more research on and structure it in such a way that you are a volunteer content contributor and someone else (a friend you would trust your life with) is responsible for the domain and website/blog.

Once you have the blog up and are ready to put your plan into action, file your papers with the Court and THEN create a www.gofundme.com campaign in an effort to ensure you have the financial means to shut the door on your ex for good. Market your campaign on your blog and in forums like this one and you will do fine.

As I'm sure you already know, there are a lot of resources for women in your situation- use them and write about them on your blog, especially any of them who will provide legal resources.

Good luck!