Anger Issues

[Glassalley52]

I have noticed that some over the top responses are because the original poster has left out words, used the word or phrase incorrectly, or just made a typo. I have been offended several times, but put it down to either my question or comment not being understood, and just ignore the response. It stops there. It is not always easy, but that is just me.

[flaggship1]

Originally Posted by webslave

People need to be reminded that the saying "The pen is mightier than sword"

Pen - sword - some don't care - they'll poke ya in the eye with nearest burning stick they can find if your opinion doesn't square with theirs.

[Midniteoyl]

Originally Posted by Ed-Sommers

Well, I see it another way. What you may call a "scathing retort", may just be a short and/or more direct answer, without the flowery, additional language to try to not be taken as offensive.

I often marvel at the turn around from the days when the speaker (writer) was given the courtesy of assuming that no offense was meant when something could be taken either pro or con, but now the majority of people take offense, when none was intended, which necessitates long drawn out answers to try to smooth things out.

I tend to give short, to the point answers that MAY, given the temperament of some people, offend, and I don't care! What I mean to convey is whats important to me, not how somebody takes it.

However, if it is indeed a true attack, and cannot be taken any other way by a thoughtful, intelligent, thinking individual, then I'd join in the damnation of the "scathing retort".


Ed
USN (Ret.)

Not to mention posting while on a phone.. Who wants to write 20 paragraphs with their thumbs!!?

[SarahW]

I agree with most of what has been said here; it's easy to be polite.

One other thing that bugs me is when someone posts a question asking for help, and receives nothing but cutesy one-liners in response. I like a good laugh as much as anyone, but I don't see how people are helped by others poking fun at them.

[RickO]

Yep, it bothers me and I do agree with most of what has been said so far.

I have a real problem with bullies in all forms, and many use the autonomy of the internet to bully others.

I'm also bothered by those who state their opinions as fact rather than just saying something like "this is my experience, what I think about it, and why." IMHO, that's not just being polite, it's being accurate. A good example is a recent post discussing extended warranties... always a fun discussion. The poster made the statement that "if you just put the money in a bank account YOU WILL come out ahead in the end." As mentioned earlier, always and never are both difficult words to use effectively.

Rick

[WoodGlue]

I think this forum is a kindler, gentlier place!!

Other places, they don't play as nicely or politely as you folks do!

[Sky_Boss]

I've been a moderator on several forums. Trust me...the folks here are much more in line with reasonable civility compared to those I worked with. The best thing to do when someone seems to un-cork is to just let it pass. If that person continues to be a problem, just let the mods know...they have shown a pretty darn good track record for tamping flair ups down.

If the offending person doesn't get the hint...the mods got the hammer.

[wnytaxman]

Originally Posted by Sky_Boss

I've been a moderator on several forums. Trust me...the folks here are much more in line with reasonable civility compared to those I worked with. The best thing to do when someone seems to un-cork is to just let it pass. If that person continues to be a problem, just let the mods know...they have shown a pretty darn good track record for tamping flair ups down.

If the offending person doesn't get the hint...the mods got the hammer.

I would have to agree. I started a thread asking if someone would be willing to reduce their own social security in an effort to help save the system. Needless to say this was or could have been a hot topic. There were literally no more than two or three rants in that thread. The way I respond to a rant is to first write my thoughts and then go back and soften up the terms so that they don't give the ranter more fuel to add to his/her fury. For the most part the folks on here are pretty civil and helpful. As with anything that is open to the general public, there will be exceptions, but I see this forum as more of a safe haven from the ranters.

[Wayne M]

Originally Posted by webslave

While you may not intend to offend, and it is your god given right to speak any way that you want; a short to the point, bordering on curt, answer can be 100% correct, yet, the meaning be lost if that message cannot be conveyed in a manner that is acceptable to the intended recipient. In that case, the message, its meaning and intent is moot. I do not mean that you need to "bend over backward" to be polite, however, if your intent is to, indeed, be helpful, it behooves you to try and pass your information in a manner that is most receptive to the largest number of people, and people, by and large, react better and are more receptive to input if that input is more palatable.

The danger in any public forum where the speaker is not seen, the context not readily deduced and the result far from being personal is the lack of civility being demonstrated in these mediums (emails, forums, instant messaging and texting to name a few). People need to be reminded that the saying "The pen is mightier than sword" is based on a communicative truth; not just an old saying to keep philosophers employed. Wars have been started with "words" and the manner in which they are conveyed. The most abject truth matters not one whit if it falls on deafened ears.

I applaud this forum for its dedication to keeping things civil and, like another, I've found myself spending far less time at RV.net where there appears to be a growing group of folks that just seem to amuse themselves with worthless, inappropriate responses that aren't even on topic, just to "stir the pot" or boost their posting statistics. We need my mother around; she used to tell me "If you can't say something nice or convey a message that is constructive or informative in a way that the person understands it, then just keep your mouth shut, otherwise, your ignorance is all that is showing".

I'm in 100% agreement with what Don stated, and paragraph two states what we don't see in the written word.

You don't see the smirk, the smile, the little chuckle in the written word. When it is one on one talking, all the subtle little mannerisms are apparent, even with a quick, "I'm just kidding," that is not easily recognizable, or written, in the written word.

I try to be nice. I always don't agree with a poster (No, you're kidding me right? Not you Wayne? (my wife speaking)). Many times I read what I write twice, just to make sure it is not inflammatory, or derogatory. Can I not be either of those "all the time." No, and sometimes I answer but eventually I'll just keep quiet - let it take it's course. Now one on one speaking, well I was wrong onc......wait, wait, I was just mistaken, never wrong.

[Midniteoyl]

Originally Posted by wnytaxman

I would have to agree. I started a thread asking if someone would be willing to reduce their own social security in an effort to help save the system. Needless to say this was or could have been a hot topic. There were literally no more than two or three rants in that thread. The way I respond to a rant is to first write my thoughts and then go back and soften up the terms so that they don't give the ranter more fuel to add to his/her fury. For the most part the folks on here are pretty civil and helpful. As with anything that is open to the general public, there will be exceptions, but I see this forum as more of a safe haven from the ranters.

I'll write up a really good response, then just close the page out.. Gets it outta my system and no harm done

[baraff]

The "Edit" option when you first post a reply on this site is a most useful feature. I use it often, to clarify a point in my post or to soften things up a bit after I realize I may have stepped over a line.
It also gives me a chance to correct my grammar and syntax when needed.

[George Schweikle]

Absolutely.

Originally Posted by Wayne M

...and paragraph two states what we don't see in the written word.

You don't see the smirk, the smile, the little chuckle in the written word. When it is one on one talking, all the subtle little mannerisms are apparent, even with a quick, "I'm just kidding," that is not easily recognizable, or written, in the written word....

[monkey]

Originally Posted by baraff

The "Edit" option when you first post a reply on this site is a most useful feature. I use it often, to clarify a point in my post or to soften things up a bit after I realize I may have stepped over a line.
It also gives me a chance to correct my grammar and syntax when needed.

I've used the "edit" many times.. Usually so as not to seem like a bu** head.(or just spelling) Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but I really think there is way too much hate in this world, so if my post's come across negative, please forgive me. I probably didn't mean it that way... I have to put up with 'not so good' drivers 5 days a week. If I retaliate, it just makes things worse. Not a good solution...

[Ray,IN]

Another factor is mood (having a bad day). I have posted something that I later regretted, or wish I had said differently, as have many members. IMO- It is much harder to communicate by written word than "face-to-face", as one cannot decipher what was intended by mannerism's (body language) or facial expressions.
I try to keep that in mind, and I hope I receive the same treatment.
Quite often dry humor is mistaken for serious writing, which adds to the problem.