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Old 05-14-2020, 10:40 AM   #1
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Getting over trust issues from a past relationship ?

This is very off topic and not something I post about but no one else to ask. So I have started dating this women about 2 months ago.She is very attractive and very fit. Which is now starting to bring out my insecurities apparently. I have dated attractive. Women in the past and have had several girls send me a message first on social media platforms and ask for my number in person before so I canít be that bad looking. I have never been cocky or the guy that is full of himself. But since dating this girl there has been a few guys that have txted her asking to hang out and she has been open to me about it and said she politely replied back and said she is seeing someone now. She hasnít given me any reasons not to trust her but she gets hit on constantly at the gym also. Since she has been open with me about it and swears she would never cheat or disrespect me while in the relationship makes me think it is my own insecurities from being cheated on in the past a few times that are starting to show now. I have always thought low of myself even tho I have a good education and a good paying job and good morals in life. I always start to think back why would she choose me if all these ripped gym guys are always hitting on her and she has all these other options out there. I am definitely not overweight and do a lot of cardio training but just never was in the weight scene of it. I am constantly wondering if I am wasting my time in this relationship and if itís just a matter of time before this one cheats also. And I hate ignoring my gut feeling but she has done nothing but be honest with me and very open and stopped talking to other guys when we first started dating she said. So I am wondering if I am way overthinking this and being paranoid? If not how Do I get over the insecurities and stop comparing myself to the guys hitting on her?

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Old 05-14-2020, 11:33 AM   #2
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Most mature intelligent women want a man with a good heart, good manners, good attitude about life, good communication skills and who respects other people.
Being "ripped" and hanging at the gym means nothing about the character of the person. Let your insecurities go away, be yourself. She sounds like she gets you,
and is being honest with you that being "hit on" might be flattering, but she
has reassured you that she is not attracted to that type of person.
Be kind, courteous, faithful and have a good heart !!
That is what I believe is what most women want.

The rich guy with the fancy car and the ripped body
and the Don Juan smoothness may be compensating for
short comings in other areas.

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Old 05-14-2020, 11:50 AM   #3
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Are you seeing a therapist about this? If not, please consider doing so. Mine has helped me a lot with various problems.
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Old 05-14-2020, 12:00 PM   #4
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You sound like a guy who can't take yes for an answer. It seems that you are very fortunate to have found a great lady but you feel unworthy. You can't control what happens in the future, but you can control what happens in the present. Enjoy your good luck, be yourself, and let the future take care of itself. If you obsess over possibly getting hurt you will defeat yourself from the start.
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Old 05-14-2020, 12:03 PM   #5
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I do hope you can overcome your insecurities. I married my first wife thinking I had married way over myself. Instead of worrying about her being unfaithful, I was thankful that I was the one she chose. She had guys hitting on her even after we were married. Only one time did I ever react to a kid looking at her disrespectful. She was close to 28 years then.
Unfortunately, she died in '92 after an 8 year illness. During her illness, I was put to the test as to how faithful I need to be. All of those opportunities disappeared after she died.

The good Lord has blessed me with another one. This time I give him the glory and use our relationship to honor Him.
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Old 05-14-2020, 03:24 PM   #6
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Enjoy each and every day, one at a time.
Dont ever second guess her.
Enjoy her
Trust her

Keep it very simple.
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Old 05-14-2020, 04:51 PM   #7
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From a woman's point of view here:
Confidence is key!
Cocky is not good but it sounds like you definitely do not have that problem, rather you seem humble.

Its ok to have insecurities, it really is, but deal with them in a positive manner for a good outcome. That is where good confidence comes in.

If you have done well in life so far, keep that state of mind. Continue to focus on maintaining what has been working well for you. A self-confident man who does not rub it in to others is attractive to women. It reflects the basic instincts inherit to the human species: a confident/ambitious male is looked at by females as stable and capable of protecting himself and a family.

If she continues to ignore the attention she constantly recieves from many other men at the gym, that is a good sign of character in relation to how she views you. We women do like attention and the fact that she pushes all the extra attention away says something about her and her needs already being satisfied by you.

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