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Old 09-26-2020, 04:19 AM   #1
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Need ideas to reign in too old parents before they kill themselves.

DW's parents are 90 and 85. MIL is the 90, Step FIL is the 85. In the last year and a half there have been strokes, falls, open heart surgery, etc.
He insists on dragging the MIL all over the place in the MH with a toad. Every time they go somewhere it's a train wreck. Currently they have rented a site for a few months down on the water and leave their boat there. He is too weak to launch or retrieve it by himself and has to rely on the kindness of strangers available to help. We're afraid if something happens to him out on the water MIL is going to be in big trouble.
The last time they came back for a few days we took them a curbside pickup grocery order and when we got there he was standing on the roof of the RV pressure washing it. He can barely walk as it is.
I won't go into all the other catastrophes as they would crash this site but you get my drift.
Any ideas would be welcome. Her Dad is getting stubborn as well but he knows his limits and will ask for help.
The step is from a country known for stubborn and he knows it all. His antics would be great material for a Ron White tour.
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Old 09-26-2020, 04:37 AM   #2
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Do you think you'll be lucky enough lf you get to that age to be that well and active?
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Old 09-26-2020, 05:18 AM   #3
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They are living life and I respect them for that. How long would they last sitting around being safe? For some that would be the end of the road. Instead of trying to change their ways maybe just keep a watchful eye and support them in anyway you can to make things as safe and easy as possible without taking away the lifestyle they apparently enjoy. They are lucky to have family that cares about them but at that age they have earned some leniency.
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Old 09-26-2020, 07:08 AM   #4
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They are living their lives their way and congrats for that. You need to do what you can to make it easier for them and to protect them where and when you can.

I hope at 90 my ass is still driving our RV around.
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Old 09-26-2020, 07:30 AM   #5
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They have such little time left, let them enjoy it till they can't. My father is 97, he still drives and lives alone. I'm there every morning to try and make his life better.
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Old 09-26-2020, 07:34 AM   #6
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I would be happy to clean up their messes and hope they continue to live their lives as best they can. My parents never accepted their limits, and refused to act like or associate with people their age. I did my best to keep them safe and pick up the pieces. So long as they are not a danger to others, leave them be.
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Old 09-26-2020, 07:55 AM   #7
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Maybe you should watch the movie "The Leisure Seeker".

It's on Netflix.

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Old 09-26-2020, 11:56 AM   #8
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Bottom line is as long as they are NOT A DANGER TO OTHERS!!! In other words, if they won't listen to you and are a danger to others on the road, then you have no choice but to report them to get their licenses pulled otherwise ......

I'd let them be as they are grown a$$ adults for heaven's sake, assuming they have full mental capabilities!!!

To have reached the ages they have and still be as active and keen to not let anything stop them is a milestone victory in and of itself. Doing what they do probably keeps them going like an Energiser Bunny.

I used to visit my grandmother (she raised me) 3 times a year flying back to the UK on the farm, and when she was in her mid 80's till passing at almost 92 (heart gave up), my Uncle started lecturing me about taking her out, which she soooooo used to look forward to and dress in her Sunday best early morning after I'd arrived and every day I was there.

We used to go get flowers then to the cemetery and then an ice cream cornet (cone) overlooking the peninsula and the big ship yard drive bys. She used to love it and hated being treated like a child by her son and daughter in law, who rarely took her out of the farm house! Moaning she took too long for them shopping and so on.

I remember on one of my Uncle's last lectures I overstepped my mark as the younger neice and said "I thought I'd actually put her on a skate board and tie her to the back of the car all the way into town". Seriously guys let's treat our chronologically challenged generations with the respect they deserve and YES protect them to our best abilities, but remember they are not children and let's not talk to or treat them as so. Assuming mental and physical, albeit slower capacity is still for the most part of no threat to others!

I say Keep On Rockin' and Rollin' Gramps and Grannys wherever you are.
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Old 09-26-2020, 12:32 PM   #9
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Everyone dies. Not everyone lives.
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Old 09-26-2020, 12:39 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by HDGoose View Post
Everyone dies. Not everyone lives.

A good friend of ours used to drive mom and pops coach to and from their lakeside summer spot in their last few years.
FIL sounds like he knows his limitations, he'll know when it's time to let someone else drive...
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Old 09-26-2020, 12:49 PM   #11
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I am thinking you can give up on the idea of reining them in. It sounds as though they are stubborn and independent. Be thankful that you have them and do your best to help them. If you had a discussion of what needed to be done to the MH beforehand ( IE: MH looks great do you have any maint planned ? ) then you could have been up on the roof instead of him. Problem solved.
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Old 09-26-2020, 12:58 PM   #12
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Sounds like someone we all would like to get out and associate with.
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Old 09-26-2020, 01:24 PM   #13
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What next, you tell us they cheat at cards, too? Oh, the humanity!!

You ain't gonna stop 'em, just slow 'em down. If they're not a hazard to others or each other, let 'em be.
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Old 09-26-2020, 01:34 PM   #14
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Something I heard one time: The idea is not to go to your grave in a perfectly preserved body with no scars. The idea is to come sliding in sideways saying "Damn, what a ride!" Let them do them, I hope I die doing something that I love!
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