Were You Raised This Way???

[jplante4]

Ok all you people who were spanked - your parents are getting time out!

[beamisl]

Hi,


I had the best parents a child could pray for. God truly blessed us 6 kids. Appropriate behavior was expected and they lived by their own rules. Seldom but occasionally one of us was spanked. It was always a last resort and long after other means of discipline did not work. Had a brother who had trouble getting that.


Mostly we were lead with a firm hand, examples, and lots of love. I raised my 2 the same way. They are great adults and we have a wonderful relationship. There is a huge difference between abuse and discipline.


My Dad always said to go ahead and let your little darling do whatever they want, society will be happy to lock them up when they turn out bad.

[wa8yxm]

I get your point and agree.

That said,, one of the questions often ask of a misbehaving child is: Were you raised in a barn?

Well, since I grew up on a dairy farm, shoveling political promises, YES, i was.

[Monacoach]

Does spanking work? Its been phazed out now look at the world we live in today. Is it better?

[Afubar]

Yes indeedy and if you got a paddling in school, you got another once you got home.

I remember well in the second grade a boy that by today's standards would have been deemed to have ADHD and been medicated. The kid wouldn't stay in his seat, kept jumping up and disrupting the class (both 1st and 2nd grades, 4room school house). Teacher took a rope and tied him to his desk. Only took 2 days of that and the boy learned to stay seated. And by the way, the rope was provided by the boy's mother.

[bamaboy473]

To those that equate spanking to an unfair system because the spanker is bigger and stronger....er, I have news for you; there will ALWAYS be somebody that's bigger and stronger, so best learn it early in life.

Your premise that spanking is akin to bullying is flawed. It's a simple and direct way to display to the child that being rude, mean, dirty, etc. are not going to win them any gold stars in life. Crime and Punishment are the way things are.

I preferred giving push-ups. Easy on me, the boys didn't have to fake their crying anymore, the amount of push-ups was easy to adjust, and one of my boys became a state champ wrestler

[TeJay]

I also worked at the HS level in the Vocational area for 35 years. I expected respect but also earned it by treating them respectfully and I also taught them. I never allowed the kids to cross the line and call me by my first name. I was their friend but also their instructor. I worked to get to that position and deserved the respect. I didn't need the ego boost but they needed to realize and show respect because it is the right thing to do. Once you figured that part out the rest was a little easier.

Raising kids works along the same lines. Spanking if used has to be followed with LOVE. You are not spanking to be mean but to get their attention. And to show that there are negative consequences attached to bad behavior.

Setting the example is also high on my list. It is not realistic to expect your kids to not drink swear or smoke if you did it. Example is by far the best teacher. Kids may take some time to figure it out and respond positively but usually they will.

Perhaps the most important area is to expect/demand responsibility for ones actions. If you left your bike out and it got stolen replacing the bike with no attached consequences is flat wrong, wrong. Then there is no responsibility attached. If a kid has no skin in the game expecting them to act responsibility is not going to get good results.

I always set deadlines for home work. The word deadline means just that. If it's not on time ZERO credit. There were no excuses. Parents and the administration didn't like it but that's life. Here's one example I used.

If you hire me to balance & rotate your 4 tires will you be happy if 90% of the lug nuts are installed??? Would 95% be acceptable??? Do all the lug nut have to be torqued the same or would 92% be acceptable???

I can't count the number of times kids who were given everything and didn't contribute in any way to what they got almost always turned out as irresponsible individuals. If there was no work attached or consequences then why show respect or do the right thing???

TeJay

[PeaceOwl]

I agree, my sister said "you need to spank that boy or he won't learn right from wrong. (She didn't have a boy I did pop him a few times, but quickly realized he did not understand consequences. Long story, but I wish I could do some of that over. What I learned by the second child was each child matures differently.

Funny thing at my daughters last week, her six month old is already very mature and active, can't even sit up but if you grab her hands she runs! I said "you better get a play pen and teach her to entertain herself or you will go nuts." Daughter said "what's a play pen? No they don't use them anymore" lolol, the new generation thinks it's cruel! Lolol no wonder they go back to work! Let someone else deal with it! Hehheh

[Dogpatch]

I was spanked as a child. When I deserved it, my Dad used to use a belt on my seat. He actually made me take the belt off his pants. I'll never forget that.

My parents are gone, however, I do not harbour any ill will towards them. They grew up in a time when physical discipline was the rule. I grew up thinking I'm going to change the way I raised my family and did.

I've never had to raise a hand or my voice with my daughter. She is a straight "A" student on the Honour Role and Principals List. She is the most respectful young lady you would ever want to meet!

[PushedAround]

I was hardly ever spanked as a child, but my Father would threaten to spank me with his wooden hair brush. I do have memories of pleading with him not to do it. Just the threat was enough because I don't think that he ever had to.

[Gordon Dewald]

We are all to ready to accept bad behaviour by giving it a medical name. We do not hold them accountable saying they have to feel good about themselves. It is always somebody elses fault and somebody else should pick up the slack.

It seems like the performance we get is in line with our expectations. Low expectations = low performance.

It is not alright. It is not the good of the individual but the good of society. It is good for ALL individuals if all inviduals within the group follow the rules and meet the standards expected of all members.

[biker art]

I got the belt or the hand swat from my dad when I opened my big mouth and learned to keep it closed but the worse thing ever was while I was in Catholic school around the fourth grade. Our teachers were nuns and I opened my big mouth and the nun made me drink holy water. Oh my God! Never did that again.

[jablair]

Originally Posted by Nick B

Folks, these comments are very saddening. I was never smacked as a child, and my wife and I have raised four children the same way. They have all turned into caring and respectful adults.

The world has too much violence in it. Some people might think it's OK and desirable to smack children....but all that does it teach them that if you are bigger and stronger, violence is acceptable. It's not. If we wish to have a more peaceful world, it starts at home.....

Respectfully,
Nick B

Sorry but there is a difference between a well deserved bottom spanking and smacking a child. I have no problem with the former and would intervene in the latter. While your sentiments may make you feel good that bit of psychobabble has long been proven wrong. Always with the caveat we are referring to judicious spanking versus other forms physical abuse.

[djbmsu]

Obviously a topic of many right and wrong opinions.
Is there a great lack of respect towards others in todays world ? yep sure is.
Is there a great amount of respect today from others ? yep sure is.
I was raised by parents that ruled with love and that taught by punishment as a learning tool. That punishment indeed meant on rare occations a spanking and grouded.
When I was old enough to have children I wanted to insure that they knew right from wrong and knew each, had consequences.
I spanked, wife did not. She would use the phrase ( as many have heard) when your father gets home you will be punished.
Now that our children are grown adults and sitting around one night the question came up on how they felt about us as parents.
Both said without hesitation that they loved their mother but knew she was easy and they could get away with much more. Then they said , They loved me but they respected me for the lessons taught.
The point here is we must all raise our children in the manner we are comfortable with, and knowing that the ultimate goal is to raise decent, respecful, law abiding children, and WE as parents did just that with our own.
I can live with that and the manner in which we taught, and to never teach out of anger.