Community Forums

BigBlockTank · 01-12-2015, 07:30 AM

I was disciplined as a child. I got my butt tore up with a belt, and deserved it every time I got it.

I went in the USAF at 19, I was married and had a child by the time I was 20, and a second by 23. They got their butt tore up when it was deserved. No abuse, no whipping on the back, the legs, calves or anywhere else, just the backside.

Being in the military, I set rules and guidelines for both of our boys, and they damn well followed them. I am from the school 100% is acceptable, not 99%.

Whatever you do, how ever you do it, just do it. Be a parent, and teach your kids. Don't be a friend, until they are out of your house, and then you still have to be a parent sometimes. It doesn't happen in my family, but if they call and ask for money, they get the third degree. I'm not going to enable my children to have, and keep bad habits. If you don't have money for rent this month, what happened? You had it last month, what did you do different?

One last thing......please do a good job teaching your children, when you're done with them, the rest of us have to put up with them if you didn't.

TeJay · 01-12-2015, 08:07 AM

Several posters have mentioned, "Setting rules/limits." That's one that is most important. The importance of that was driven home by one of my students.

He was not a bad kid just had little direction. His Dad owned a heavy equipment salvage yard, (Cat's etc) and an airplane. Money was not an issue. One day we were heading out on a 2-3 day school trip. Mom showed up in her Caddy and asked me if $200 was enough for her boy. Several weeks later the kid got a 5 day suspension and was assigned to ISS (In school suspension).
The guy who ran the program had also worked in a prison. The first day new kids didn't set down at their desk but stood at their cubical all day. They wrote all the rules ten times. They also had to do all teacher assignments twice, once for him and once for the teacher.

When the kid came back to classes I asked him how he liked ISS?? His response was, "I loved it." That's when I realized that kids really do want and need limits/guidelines. Doing that tells them that somebody does care. They also want to know what is going to happen if they cross the line. Yes they will always push the limits. They really do want to know that you care. It's also VERY important to carry through with the consequences when they do cross the line. When people in authority don't follow through they loose their position as the one in charge. That's when things begin to fall apart.

When you get right down to it, "It's really not rocket science." It's a simple application of COMMON SENSE.

1. Set the rules/expectations.
2. Explain the consequences when #1 is broken.
3. Follow through with #2.

Setting rules 1,2 & 3 have to be tempered with a good dose of COMMON SENSE. If you fail to consistently follow or waver in any one of the above steps you WILL most definitely fail as an authority figure, parent, boss or leader.

Military training does work. My AF time was the best time in my life. I am a better person because of it. And I really learned just what I can do and not what I couldn't do. Can't do is not part of my life.

TeJay

Ray,IN · 01-13-2015, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by biosensai

I taught high school Biology for over 3 decades. Over that time I had a brazillion parent conferences. It wasn't so much how the parents disciplined their kids, but that they did. Far, far too many just didn't. I cannot tell you how often I had to explain to parents that their job was to be the parent. Not to be the friend. Kids need boundaries and are inherently comforted when they know what they are and what to expect. Physically abusing a child is obviously illegal and wrong. Immediately identifying inappropriate or unacceptable behavior in conjunction with a disciplinary action that actively discourages a repeat of the action - remember a child's brain doesn't necessarily identity cause and effect the way an adult mind should - is the job of a parent. I obviously never spanked my students, but I had many parents ask why their kids did what I said and not what they, the parent said. Set the boundaries. Enforce them.

Well stated! I was spanked as a child, and whipped with a razor strap a few times as a teenager. I deserved all of them, and several I didn't get. I think what I am today is the result of what I learned then.
I remember my Mom reminding me repeatedly to remove my cap when entering our house. Observe the number of men wearing baseball caps in restaurants,theaters,etc. today. Mom was ma'am, Dad was sir. Every other adult is today, age immaterial.
How long has it been since a man was seen removing his hat while a funeral procession passed.(rhetorical question) Shoot, today some young men will not even remove their hat for the National Anthem.

And, I agree with TeJay. IMO the worst disservice we the people of the U.S.A. ever did to our children was to eliminate the military draft. Military training teaches most inductees to be adults when parents have not.

galeran · 01-15-2015, 04:21 PM

I am 65 and walked the same road you have. I as you found out what a belt fells lick across my butt. Even so, I managed to live a good, fruitful life. gale

Barbaraok · 01-15-2015, 04:39 PM

Sorry, but if you are resorting to hitting a child then you have lost control. Hitting only teaches fear. There are other ways to discipline, but for very small children it isn't discipline but removal from the danger that is needed.

Try all the words you want, but hitting is hitting and it is never correct to hit a child.

StevieG · 01-15-2015, 04:59 PM

Sorry to disagree with so many posters, but IMO, it's no more appropriate to hit your child than it is to hit or wrongfully touch your spouse or significant other. I raised two boys and never ever resorted to raising my hand or even a spank on the bump. There are ways to punish and reward your children that are very effective deterrents and incentives. When you hit them, all you are teaching them is that use of physical force is okay. Okay at school, okay with their siblings, okay with their kids when they get older, and okay with their significant other. Abuse breeds abuse.

Ray,IN · 01-15-2015, 09:35 PM

That's what Dr. Spock said. His son turned out troubled and committed suicide.

flaggship1 · 01-15-2015, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ray,IN

That's what Dr. Spock said. His son turned out troubled and committed suicide.

Snopes says nope.
Grandson yes. Son no.
It is sad when someone chooses to end their life. As an argument in favor of whipping children I'm not sure it would hold water in any event.

oakcreekeric · 01-16-2015, 08:00 AM

Spanking (not hitting, not abuse)... or not spanking...

I think the common denominator with everyone who has replied to this thread is; they were involved in their kids lives...

I think that is what is most important.. too many parents today are expecting coaches, teachers or (god forbid) the TV to educate and raise their children for them... not sure why.. they chose to have the children, they should understand the responsibility... sadly in today's society... that is no longer the case... I fear children (for some) is just a passing fancy in their life, they are too selfish to understand the responsibilities that are involved..

flaggship1 · 01-16-2015, 08:18 AM

We did not use corporal punishment with our daughter. We will not know the outcome of that because she died in a car wreck at 16. I am so glad I have no memory of raising my hand to her. I do have memories of my parents raising theirs to me, as they had of their parents to them. I know they did because they both told me how much better I had it with their wailing than they did. What nonsense. See below and tell me the difference. And, I will not believe the difference is love of your child.

MPH · 01-26-2015, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flaggship1

We did not use corporal punishment with our daughter. We will not know the outcome of that because she died in a car wreck at 16. I am so glad I have no memory of raising my hand to her. I do have memories of my parents raising theirs to me, as they had of their parents to them. I know they did because they both told me how much better I had it with their wailing than they did. What nonsense. See below and tell me the difference. And, I will not believe the difference is love of your child.

Steve, I guess I didn't know that y'all lost a child. I can't begin to imagine the pain you and Annie must endure.

I don't understand how hitting a child is ever a "good" thing. I knew a parent who whipped her son because he got into a fight at school. That kind of "logic" is mind-blowing.

Mel

flaggship1 · 01-26-2015, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MPH

Steve, I guess I didn't know that y'all lost a child. I can't begin to imagine the pain you and Annie must endure.

I don't understand how hitting a child is ever a "good" thing. I knew a parent who whipped her son because he got into a fight at school. That kind of "logic" is mind-blowing.

Mel

Thanks Mel. In fact I have lost 2 children 16 years apart. My son was a senior in high school and was hit by a car 2 weeks after my daughter was born. 16 years later my then 32 year old daughter accidently ran a light. She was physically unharmed. We lost our daughter that day in 2003. She loved to camp and hike and fish.

PushedAround · 01-26-2015, 01:26 PM

Steve, you literally have me tearing up thinking about your children. You and Annie are especially strong people to have endured such pain and still be so positive. I cannot wait to meet you in April.

flaggship1 · 01-26-2015, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PushedAround

Steve, you literally have me tearing up thinking about your children. You and Annie are especially strong people to have endured such pain and still be so positive. I cannot wait to meet you in April.

We'll be there... one in a kimono and one decidedly not in a grass skirt. You can thank me later.

To whom much is given, much is asked.

Mer as young'n in the B-van...
And riding English.